Chuck's AutoRama - Sleek Cars and Slick Deals
Sep 13 '00
This time a year, as the leaves are thinkin' bout changin' color and the north wind starts ta give a hint of winter, a man's thoughts turn ta cuttin' and haulin' firewood. My dilemma, of course, is I ain't got no darn pick-up truck! As ya might know, it was stripped for it's anteek type parts by a New York gang.
Well, that all changed last week when BadBob Jr. and I went a shoppin for a new vehicle. Junior recommenned we travel ta Chuck's Autorama in Altoona. Last Tuesday, we both hopped inta his soccermom type minivan and headed out.
"Pa, you'll love this car place. It's got all kinds of vehicles. This here dealership sells Chevies, GMC's, Pontiacs, Cadillacs, Toyotees, Honda's, Subaroos, and Kia's. It's bout a square mile of nothin' but cars for sale!"
I then had ta ask my boy, "What the heck's a Kia?"
"It unlocks a doora! Ha! Ha!" Junior responed.
I have been a punishin' Junior for his pathetic sense of humor for years - and this occassin' was no exception. I summarily bopped him in the nose and then covered his eyes with my hands as we were doin' bout 90 mph northbound on I-99.
"Pa, I can't see!"
"That's the point - ya moron!"
After we ran five cars and a Good Humor truck off the road, I finally took my hands away. He then agreed that there would be no more stupid jokes.
At last we were at Autorama! What a place it was! Shiny new cars as far as the eye could see. Colored balloons and pennants everywhere! Junior and I started ta walk through this forest of cars and trucks. As we were walkin', Junior warned me about somethin' called Stickershock. He told me prices ain't what they used ta be. But I assured my boy that I knew what I was a doin'.
Then I saw it - the truck of my dreams. A brand new 2000 GMC Sierra pick-up. No sooner had we stopped ta gaze at this beauty then Chuck himself was on us like a shark in a frenzy.
"Howdy. Chuck here. Who might I have the pleasure of meeting?"
"BadBob and BadBob Jr." I replied.
"Well, BadBob. I knew when I got up this morning that I was going to sell you this truck!"
"Ya did! Well ya must have ESP. That means Extra Stupid Perception, Chuck."
"Ha! I love a kidder!"
I then told him, "You must be kidding us with that sports jacket! I ain't seen fabric like that since I slept on Aunt Edna's sofa-bed!"
"Your a real card, BadBob. Here take her for a spin."
Chuck dangled a set a keys in front of my face - and with out blinkin' - I snatched them. Junior and I hopped inta that marvel of vehicular type engineerin' and took off. Chuck didn't even come with us!
After bout five miles down the road, Junior and I looked at each other and said in unison, "FREE TRUCK!"
We giggled and grinned for about five minutes over the stupidity of Chuck givin' us that vehicle forgettin' ta make us pay for it. The smiles disappeared as reality set in. "Pa, do ya think they can trace us from the license plate on the minivan we left there?"
"I don't think so, just a bunch numbers and letters on a piece a metal." However, after we talked a while, Junior and I decided that maybe some crackerjack police type detective might be able ta trace us. We returned ta Autorama.
Chuck was a waitin' for us and we started talkin' financin'. Chuck then made an offer, "BadBob, you can take this baby home for $426.00."
I tried ta hide my excitement and replied, "Well, I think I can live with that."
Junior then whispered in my ear, "Pa, that's not the whole cost of the truck. That's monthly payments for five years!"
When it finally sunk in what Junior had told me, I lost control of all my motor skills and fell ta the ground. I remember spinnin' around like Curley from the Three Stooges.
When I finally regained consusness, BadBob Jr said, "Pa, forget Sticker-shock. You just suffered Sticker- ELECTROCUTION!
When Chuck realized I weren't going ta pay more than 500 big uns for a truck, he took me ta what he called Skidrow. There I found my sweetheart. A 1972 Chevy Pick-up with a 350 engine and a four speed. The colors on the fenders didn't match and there was no warranty. But it was mine, and as it smoked and sputtered on the way way home, I knew I had alot of work ta do on it, but I love it - and I only paid $450.
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Epinions.com ID:
BadBob
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Member: Robert Grouch
Location: Mountains of Pennsylvania
Reviews written: 56
Trusted by: 214 members
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