Selecting a computer with the help of feng shui
Apr 12 '00
I can't believe how many times I have heard my friends and coworkers say, "My computer workstation is too cluttered! This organizational setup is not ergonomically designed! Where is my lumbar support? My eye-to-hand ratio is off! Dear God, what will I do?!" My most common reply is, "Stop your bitching!" I never have problems with my computer workstation. That is because I recently discovered an ancient Chinese secret that helps me design a workstation that is perfect for my body, mind, and spirit: the art of feng shui.
Feng shui is known mostly in the interior decorating world as a way of arranging furniture to make it more pleasing to the eye. Few people know, however, that it can also be used to design a computer room. I knew that, of course, but I am willing to bet that you did not. But by using my helpful hints, even you losers can design a computer workstation that will assist you in getting the most out of your hours here at Epinions.
The first step to creating a spiritually balanced computer room is color. Buddhist masters knew that certain colors inspire different feelings: red for anger, blue for sadness, purple for the emotion formerly known as megalomania. They have found that the color which is most soothing to the human eye is plaid. Yes, I know, plaid is not a color, it is a pattern. But trust me, years of primitive science can't be wrong. Drape the entire room in your preferred color of plaid fabrics. Use it in the wallpaper, in the furniture. Lay a plaid rug down on the floor. Now that your color scheme is established, it is time to pick out your computer.
It is important to get to know the computer you will be working on. When you go to the store, listen to the computers. Hear what they are saying to you. Not all of it may be pleasant, but you want a computer that will speak the truth, not one of those suck-up computers that say, "Take me home, I won't ever break down!" and then break down the second you get home. You want a computer you can trust. Ask the salesman if you can take the computer on a test drive. Take your computer-to-be on a walk in the park, on a trip to Disneyland, on a swim in the community pool (actually, that might not be such a hot idea). This appliance will be with you for a long time, unlike your children, who will ditch you the first chance they get. You don't just want a computer, you want a best friend.
Once you have picked out a computer, take it to your plaid-covered workstation and begin to set it up. Contrary to popular belief, the proper place for the monitor is not at eye level. It is a foot above the head. Placing the monitor there helps to stretch your neck muscles so that you won't grow up to look like Henry Rollins. The keyboard should be placed on the floor; you type by punching the keys with yardsticks. This promotes hand-eye coordination. Your chair should not be too comfortable, for comfort promotes laziness. Either sit on a crate or a barstool with a lot of splinters in it. The printer should be placed directly in back of you, or better yet, stick the printer in the closet. (Hey, it's not me talking, it's the ancient Chinese guys!)
Now that the computer is set up, it is time to put the finishing touches on the room. Traditional feng shui states that a mirror should always be placed in a room. Modern feng shui says that it is far more important to supply the room with a naked picture of MTV's Kurt Loder. My personal belief is that both things are important. I would also stock the room with a lot of scented candles. You can never have enough scented candles!
I hope that this article will help you to have an ergonomically comfortable day. Remember, computers are our bestest friends. We would never want to upset them by placing them in a room which is spiritually unbalanced, unless we want to wake up with a mouse up our sphincter!
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