Top Nine Worst Movies of the Decade
May 14 '01 (Updated Jun 04 '01)
The Bottom Line If any of my comments on these films make them sound 'interesting', I'm sorry. Please don't watch them.
Why only nine? Because I see so many good movies, that I try to push the bad ones out of mind quickly. It takes a really special bad movie to linger there for a while, still irritating me days after I've seen it. These nine films are without a doubt, the ones I couldn't forget.
I'd like to say that since I tend not too see too many truly horrible films, I'm not covering the very worst of the worst. Unlike a paid film critic, I'm not entitled to see everything that comes out. So I was able to miss such probable garbage as "Jack", "North", "Spice World", most of the Pauly Shore films, and I only saw one of the Chris Tucker vehicles. Somehow, I did manage to see all the Jean Claude Van Damme films, however.
Worst Films of Decade (That I Saw)
9) Fled - It's the sort of bad movie that is so boring watching it, but gives tons of entertainment laughing about it scene after scene later. Unbelievable action scenes where we sit with our jaws open wondering how could all these people locate the 'next' secret location. There are characters who change motivation at the whim of the script. My favorite scene would be the one where the two stars who have given a man a heart attack, and to save him put him in a pickup truck, and push him through two lanes of cross-traffic towards an Emergency Room entrance. This was even more unbelievable when you realize that one of these two heroes is really a cop. Actually, it wasn't that surprising since I believe the ads told us this. Another scene with Selma Hayek driving these two guys who apparently kidnapped her within 30 yards of several police cars is so improbable that I cannot even begin to get into it. I was somewhat 'entertained' but for all the wrong reasons. In retrospect I was actually pretty bored during the film.
8) Knock-off
Certainly one of the inappropriately funniest bad films on my list. I laughed more at this film than I did at most comedies. Featuring some of the most annoying fancy camera tricks, one of the worst computer animations I've ever seen, and some of the most uninteresting martial arts fights, this movie surely ranks as Jean Claude's worst. No wait, there was "Universal Soldier 2", and "The Quest" which do come close… but I think I'll stick with this one.
7) Mercury Rising
I really hated this movie! It just lied there for 2 hours, offering no scenes of interest. The film was just so boring, so implausible, so slow, so misguided, and I would have to say it failed at everything it attempted. The movie tried to rip-off many better movies, and all it reminded me of was those much better films. I also hate movies that get computer technology and terminology so embarrassingly wrong. It wasn't even bad enough to make fun of afterwards.
6) Event Horizon
This film did have some good points, with some of the actors and the look of the film, but this film is basically a manipulative retelling of "The Mystery of the Mary Celeste". The film tried to gross us out in too many scenes. And, I felt cheated by this film in the way that it kept having things jump at us from off screen trying to get us to jump.
5) Showgirls
Let's get this straight up front. This film was bad, really really bad. But you won't be bored watching it. I promise you! It does contain a horribly exploitive storyline, horrendous acting, and one ridiculous scene after another. But since it seems to put all this out on the table in front of you, you feel okay laughing along with it.
4) Hudson Hawk
Right off the incredible film "Heathers", the director failed miserably with this total mess. The humor was so unbearably unfunny that I was cringing for the actors in many scenes (dolphin noises, Sandra Bernhard). The film was implausible, and reveled in that, but it only made us not care for any of the heroes when they were supposed to be in danger. This film has an unusually interesting cast, some potential in the script, but it manages to blow it with every chance.
3) Scarlet Letter
The reviews of this film made it sound like such unbelievable trash that I just assumed the critics had it out for Demi Moore. Nope. It really was unbelievable trash! This film took a classic story with lots of potential, put in many great actors, gave them bad dialogue, sexed it up needlessly, and made such unusual changes to the story that the writers should have sanity tests given to them. The start of the novel doesn't take place in the film until the 2 hour mark. I'm not making this up! All the film had to do was follow the book somewhat, and it could have been an enjoyable film. And if you are bothered by great stories that have a happy ending tacked on, you won't be able to stomach this film's finale.
2) Bio-Dome - One of the few films I was unable to watch through. It was on cable during one free-cable weekend. I tried watching it, but I couldn't. It was so bad that I had to turn it off. Yet, there was nothing else on TV so I tried watching it some more. Shortly, I ended up reading a magazine instead.
Here is a more complete review by me on Epinions of this travesty of a film: http://www.epinions.com/content_24665493124
1) Highlander 2
This film answered the disturbing question that I never wanted to know. Is it possible for a sequel to be so bad, that it actually hurts the original film? Apparently so. Not only is this film a painfully bad film, it changes some of the facts that made the original "Highlander" one of my favorites! This film has bad acting, unbelievably poor editing, incontinuity errors, bad special effects, and contradictory scenes. And, it manages to turn the original fantasy element into some sort of alien race sci-fi film that makes so little sense, I can't imagine how the script ever got approved.
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Epinions.com ID:
grimjack2
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 - Top 500 |
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Location: San Rafael, CA, Marin County
Reviews written: 181
Trusted by: 124 members
About Me:
Film is my favorite art form. I live a life of constant amelioration.
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