The Thirteen Worst Films of 1999
May 17 '01 (Updated Jul 07 '01)
The Bottom Line !999 wasn't really that bad a year for films. I mean, compared with how good the good films were, are the bad ones that bad?
The Worst Movies I saw in 1999 (in reverse order)
I've noticed that there are a lot more really good films on my list of best films of 1999 found elsewhere on Epinions. This could be since I tend to like most films, but I think it is more because I'm smart enough to habitually avoid the really bad films. With some pride, I can say that this year I never did catch "Mod Squad", "Plunket & Maclane", "Baby Geniuses", "Wing Commander", "Idle Hands", "Bats", or either of the Kevin Costner films.
Starting with the least offensive:
The Messenger My Ranking: 2½
I didn't think it was possible to make an uninteresting film out of such an interesting story. This film actually wasn't so much uninteresting as it was just about the least interesting parts of the legend.
Outside Providence My Ranking: 2½
The movie certainly tried hard, so I don't want to fault it too much, but it just didn't work. It wasn't very funny, it made some large reaches in logic with the plot, and it wasn't very original. Still, the scene with the dean reading the letter from 'Drugs Delaney' was a touch of genius.
American Pie My Ranking: 2½
I'm still not exactly sure what people found funny here. I know with my audience, that I was laughing at all the jokes the rest of the theater wasn't, and I was dead silent during the times my audience laughed. Is bringing back the "Porky's" film something we want to do as a society? I don't think so.
10) Instinct My Ranking: 2½
With such a good premise, one of the greatest actors, and very good supporting characters, how could this film go so wrong? I can't tell you. With far too many side plots, and a ridiculous ending, only the films superior acting kept it from being one of the very worst films of the year.
9) 13th Floor My Ranking: 2½
Not a horrible film, but just sort of boring. It probably would've worked better as a half-hour Twilight Zone episode.
8) The Bachelor My Ranking: 2½
Normally I probably wouldn't have seen this film, but I had a friend who was supposed to have a small part in it, but unfortunately she got cut. It did have its moments, but I don't know if I've ever watched such bland characters going through such unfunny situations.
7) The Haunting My Ranking: 2½
Arrgh! The second of two horrible films from Dreamworks this year. I couldn't believe how unusually ridiculous this film was considering the backing it had. The only reason to see this film was for the special effects, which towered so far above anything else in this film that, it only made the lackluster story and characters even less interesting.
There were characters who are introduced as possibly important, and then never heard from again. Possible plots begin to develop, and then suddenly stop. And the ending… Was it a good ending, a bad ending? I couldn't tell, and possibly neither could the filmmakers.
I do want to credit the film for having Lily Taylor as the lead, since I've been following her career for a while now, but she deserves better.
6) The Corrupter My Ranking: 2½
Another film that just didn't work. It should have been better, but the film chose to give us nothing new or exciting in lieu of an unoriginal story and uninteresting characters.
5) Black Mask My Ranking: 2½
As a subtitled Jet Li film, I wasn't expecting too much from it, but it wasn't even that good of a martial arts film. A lot of the fights were just boring. But what puts the film on my worst list is the fact that it is edited so bad that my friend came up with the theory that the film was originally a long running TV series that was cut into a 90 minute film. No such luck. The story has so many blatant 10-minute holes that I can't believe the film was released so disjointed.
4) Twin Dragons My Ranking: 2
I shouldn't fault Jackie Chan too much, since he does try so hard, but the film just didn't work for me. Only a few good stunt or fight scenes, and a lot of the comedy I just didn't find funny.
3) 200 Cigarettes My Ranking: 2
First off, I hated the title.
This is one of those films that you can't help but forget as you are walking out the door. The film just kind of lied there. No scenes were able to rise above a certain level of blandness. The movie had a neat cast, but like "Mystery Men", it just never worked.
2) In Dreams My Ranking: 2
What a mess! And from Dreamworks, if you can believe it. Lots of great actors (Annette Benning, Robert Downey Jr., and Stephen Rea), a good director and good production house couldn't make sense of this film. There were some neat underwater scenes, and one exceptionally well edited scene taking place between two times and two different escaping prisoners. However, this couldn't make up for a ludicrous plot and individual scenes that made no sense at all. Eventually this film will become a trivia question: Which film did Annette Benning get attacked by Apples?
1) Universal Soldier 2 My Ranking: 1½
Bleech! One would expect that the acting would be bad, the story paper-thin, and the film mostly just an excuse for various explosions and fight scenes. What I wasn't expecting was that the fights wouldn't be interesting, the dialogue ludicrous, and really horrible attempts at adding unnecessary emotional subplots. And to top it off, the film had almost no connection at all with the first Universal Soldier film. As a matter of fact, it almost ignored the details of the first film.
And for a refreshing change of pace, here is my Epinion of the Best Movies of 1999:
http://www.epinions.com/content_1516281988
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Epinions.com ID:
grimjack2
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Location: San Rafael, CA, Marin County
Reviews written: 181
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About Me:
Film is my favorite art form. I live a life of constant amelioration.
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