Self-Help Book? Oxymoron* ( E-Prime W/O)
Aug 01 '01
The Bottom Line One cannot write a self-help book for other people. The recipient of help from this book? The writer of said book, of course! Thus, "Self-help" equals an Oxymoron.
I once told my best friend, Tee, that if she ever noticed me writing a self-help book, stop me. I meant it. Still do!
First, just a few definitions. My own, not necessarily identical to those found in a dictionary. Inspirational: Whatever stimulates one's [showing the possessive] mind and/or emotions to soar; rise above the mundane or average. Motivational: That which moves one to act; an incentive or inductive influence to cause one to do a thing. Self-help: The act of improving self without outside help from another source. Remember these. I use them in the following, extemporaneously.
Also, I want to note that I use the possessive 's to show ownership occasionally, which does not violate the rules of e-prime. This contraction is akin to mine, yours, theirs, its, his, hers, ours. In these cases, a note enclosed by brackets--[showing the possessive]--follows it.
Dilemma
1) Should one defer to another's [showing the possessive] thoughts in determining the right or wrong course for oneself? Can an unknown personality really know what I might need or feel or desire? My Answer? NO! How could they? Unless we met before the personality in question made their assessments.
Why not choose the inspirational course, instead? Inspire yourself to rise to whatever challenge life hands you, at that moment. Do not allow yourself to fall-back on the "quick-fix" of the so-called self-help dictum, due to insecurities or beliefs you assume renders you incapable of knowing exactly what you need do for yourself.
2) How does one get started applying the strategies and theories from these self-help gurus, anyway? What if I cannot "rise to the occasion" as instructed in a book? My Answer? DON'T TRY TO! Each individual must find out what works for them, personally. Not all the time will they find just what they need in a book or a person who advocates a course based on a pre-written/structured "plan-that-fits-all."
Try motivation, as opposed to "quick-fix" ideas from a book. Decide what moves you. Who can judge better the source of your motivation than could you? One knows him/herself better than a stranger who just happened to write a book or organize a program purporting to have answers to all your problems, short-comings, and ills.
3) A Self-help book (or anything of a self-help nature) primarily focuses upon one area of concern. Whereas Inspirational or Motivational vehicles concentrate on a global bases, if you will. The self-help book causes its reader to begin and continue an ongoing list of his/her short-comings, needs, faults. Without personal contact, in-depth consultation [like with a licensed psychologist, therapist, or counselor] the reader can expect no definitive responses. Inspirational/motivational literature and books gives the reader materials to address and reinforce the spirit, the soul, the inner person. Merely one such book can become a repetitive reference, utilized time after time and again, till infinity-- giving the spirit a life, whenever its owner feels the need.
I do not say a self-help book or program does not benefit anyone. Some might, although I daresay the individual most benefiting from it (them) might fit the same description as the individual writing the book or hosting the program. The solutions will most likely best suit these individuals' problems, don't you think? They would know their own concerns, and feel a certain level of comfort in whatever they, themselves, decide to do to solve these concerns, would they not? Thus, my title. No such thing as a "self-help" book, unless written by the person having the need for the help. Therein lies the oxymoron. Make sense to you? Does me.
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So, Rouchelle. Do you advise against any materials that might give insight to things I know little to nothing about? Of course NOT! Depends on your source, as well as what you do with it.
My Recommendations
1) Think "inspire me" rather than "help me"! Much better alternative, really.
Ever hear of Horatio Alger? Other than his own life's [showing the possessive] success story, perhaps reading, Ragged Dick--by this notable American writer, the story of impoverished boys who gain wealth and respect by hard work and virtue, might inspire you to expand your horizons and thrive, as well.
Or, what about Dorothy Wordsworth? An English diarist, Ms Wordsworth described her home life, family (including her brother, poet William Wordsworth), friends and their travels in her well-known Journals, dating from 1798. Described as "first-rate literature," her Journals offer illuminating insights on the poetry of her brother, William. They describe nature and people, inspiring with sensitivity in a poetic style.
In 1936, Joe Louis [American boxer] lost his first professional fight to Max Schmeling [German boxer, former world champion]. Though World War II would not officially begin until three years later, the Nazis likened this loss to Nazi superiority over democracy. Two years later, in 1938, the two would have a rematch which Louis would win, giving the Americans the victory of democracy, making Louis a hero for the war efforts for which he boosted recruitment through his inspirational speeches.
These three examples of sources of inspiration have a multitude of counterparts equally as effective in spurring the emotions to take flight. Virtually any book of poetry/poems or light prose could supply the ingredients for boosting morale; uplifting strains of music or buoyant lyrics of a tune bring a smile to your heart and your lips. It doesn't necessarily have to bears a Wordsworth on its cover.
Browse through card files at local public libraries, jacket covers of books in bookstores, or book descriptions online to scope out biographical works like that of Louis in my example, above. Using those same sources of literary description, look for works that tell tales of personal achievement, positive strides and accomplishment, or success against the odds, like in the above-mentioned novel written by Alger. These have but provided you an idea of what awaits you out there.
2) Choose "motivation" over "help"! Similar to the physical energy burst one may derive from ingesting large amounts of sugar, the "self-help" book gives immediate but short-lived easement. After the "rush", however, very like that with sugar and sweets, "self-help" invariably leaves the "partaker", flat, out-of-sorts, listless.
The following examples will give you some idea of what to consider for your emotional "survival kit", however, in view of the length of this review already, I will keep a lid on it, okay. These titles will get you started in thinking "motivational" or "inspirational"-- they interchange, nicely, so similar in their effects on the "partaker" of them.
The Power of Positive Thinking ~Dr. Norman Vincent Peale shares how you can master the problems of everyday living by eliminating self-doubt; remove worry, resentment, and stress from your life; elevate yourself above your problems, visualize and attain solutions; create your own, tailor-made exercises to reinforce those positive habits, throughout your day.
Think and Grow Rich ~Napoleon Hill inspires readers to change their thoughts, and thus their lives, through his philosophy on recognizing, relating, assimilating and applying principles. Principles which, when applied properly, can help you achieve any goal you want, as long as it does not violate the Universal Law: the Law of God and the rights of your fellowman. The riches constitute a way of life, much more so than mere dollars and cents.
Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude ~W. Clement Stone & Napoleon Hill teach the reader how our minds create whatever we need for health, wealth, and happiness. Many of us have heard "What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." This duo advocates this principle in their novel with many a story to motivate even the most doubtful amongst us. The lifestories of some very well-known people will enlighten and fascinate, as well as surprise many a reader of this stimulating book.
Well, that should get you started. These three authors have long-standing reputations in the world of inspirational/motivational literature, tapes and speaking. I know you each can find so many, many more like them. An end to your listless, uninspired, lackluster days draws near.
3) A strong personal commitment required. True self-help means utilizing conduits of inspiration, avenues of motivation to maintain a healthy, though realistic, attitude toward life... your own, in particular. You won't often find that in a self-help book.
My Final Tales And Advisements
Remember, these books on self-help cannot--by sure dent of the number, the magnitude, of persons perusing them and the variousness of their personalities, their personal proclivities and assets--answer specific problems. Therefore the "answer" must necessarily conform to the blanket-variety (sort of one-response/solution-fits-all).
Like most young, questing Americans, in my mid-teens to early-twenties I, too, consulted my share of "self-help" paraphernalia [books, workshops, conferences, assorted tapes and/or programs]. My search for answers to many issues threatened, often, to overwhelm me. However, the essence of what I sought I never found within the covers of the "self-help" book or throughout the "self-help" seminar I attended. These stop-gaps only lasted for as long as they played out. Book read, essence gone. Seminar ended, essence gone.
After much effort and countless searches, I finally grasped what I sought. I needed some enduring presence within myself that would enable me to realize my adequacy in approaching my life. I did not need some handle-all type smoke screen that would only appear to have made my concerns vanish. I had better sense than to think I could have eternal paradise on earth. Instinctively I knew no one has the answer to any and all questions for everybody! Now, I had to learn how to find means of motivating and inspiring myself. I had to learn how to determine when I had; not to mistake "self-help" literature for "inspirational/motivational".
The means of determining between self-help and inspiration/motivation materials: If the book in question confuses, giving you the urge to try and fit yourself into the scenarios it describes, you should tread warily. If whatever you read has instructions on how to fix a problem in your life, rather like the manual of instructions for an appliance or machine, back away, slowly but firmly. Leave the premises quickly and never return.
This will--unfortunately--effectively begin one on a continual search for additional "self-help" articles or books, none actually able to finalize the process, therefore, unable to discontinue the cycle. I got started, but fortunately enough for me, became aware of this fact, before I became addicted. Then, I found inspiration and motivation. They've yet to let me down.
Indisputably a highly lucrative source of income for its purveyors [writers, publishers, agents, promoters, printers, networks, broadcast, distributors, et al], the self-help industry will not simply go away. Not until more writers have more self-respect, more integrity and a higher sense of responsibility for what they produce from the tools of their trade will we realize a lessening in the self-help book market. Until then, if ever, it falls to each individual to choose inspiration and motivation for long-lasting, high-soaring, healthy spirits and souls. With so much money for the taking in the self-help market, I cannot foresee many who will decline an offer to write them. However, I for one, vow stalwartly to find a better outlet for my talents. Remain alert, inspired and motivated!
I would like to thank proeditor who sponsored this The E-Prime of Life: A Writer's Write-Off write-off. What is this "E-Prime"? The write-off webpage explains:
To be or not to be? A famous question, yes, yet did you know that remembering "not to be" can prove a beneficial challenge when you set your pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard)?
Several talented writers took the challenge. The result? This write-off. It consists of Epinions reviews that avoid the "to be" verbs, a discipline known as E-Prime. The participants strove to enliven their writing and increase their precision by using exactly the right verb instead of the tried and true (but ordinary) "to be's". As a reminder, the "to be" family includes be, is, am, are, was, were, been, being; plus contractions -- 'm, 's, and 're.
Thank you for dropping in to read (and rate?) my review. If you found any in this review, please leave me a comment. Don't forget to read the contributions of the other participants:
nfp (write-off "dedicatee"- Happy 50th Birthday, Nick!!!),
proeditor (host), infoscott (webmaster), tlimjoco, eplovejoy, Sloucho, GinaHill, rich2003dm, epicure, wovengold, pageclot, hhassell99, teskue, magenta321, lernerj, DrDad, Howard_U, jankp, nylawgirl, KateTPZ, amykhar, zzJulia, and dequebec.
Thanks to infoscott, you can find easy links to all the write-off entries at the web page he designed just for us: http://eprimewriteoff.tripod.com
PERSONAL NOTE: I had a blast!!! Didn't think I could do without my old standby "family of verbs", but proved myself wrong. Thanks much, Proeditor for the idea, and to you, Infoscott, for the wonderfully maintained and managed website. In the words of my 14- oops! since 7/27 15-year-old, you guys rock!
*1 A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a deafening silence and a mournful optimist [or a self-help book written by someone else, contents of which to be used by another] [my example in my words].
Excerpted from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition © 1996 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Electronic version licensed from INSO Corporation; further reproduction and distribution in accordance with the Copyright Law of the United States. All rights reserved.
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Epinions.com ID:
LEDOMAINE
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Location: Dallas/Ft Worth Metro, TX
Reviews written: 127
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About Me:
God gave me the gift of words, so I use them. Problems with that? ~~Rouchelle
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