A Lesson In War For A New Generation Of Americans...
Sep 19 '01
The Bottom Line There are no clear answers. The best you can do is listen to your children & prepare them for war.
Tuesday September 11th, 2001 was in a very sad day in America. Terrorists the biggest bully of all pummeled the United States in a series of cowardly attacks upon the innocent.
How did I tell my children about the attack?
I decided to meet my boys at the door as they got off their school bus. Our oldest two arrive home around 3pm. I asked them how their days were and did they hear any news.
"Yes" - "YES! We have been attacked and the towers were hit at the World Trade Center." My mind screamed - how could the school system take this into their hands away from parents? That was wrong. (Continue to read before you judge my last sentence).
I asked them how they knew and what they heard. This way I could learn what they understood happened and we could sort things out together on their level.
My oldest is in 8th grade. They watched the unfolding news on the TV’s in their classrooms. The school principal made the snap decision to allow the eighth grade children access to the breaking news - a (simple) plane that crashed into the World Trade Center.
My oldest was watching as the second plane hit just after 9am. I don’t think the principal used good judgment in having the TV’s turned on in the classroom. As this was breaking news he had no idea what would be televised. Children at that age level (as all humans) have a range in maturity & comprehension.
My oldest is a really bright and mature child for his age. He was upset by the way some children were acting out and talking. He told me of one grief stricken boy he found huddled in a corner in the boy’s bathroom.
Some immature and mean spirited children told this boy that his parents were dead. You see it was known that his parents were in Atlanta. The other children told him Atlanta was bombed. No survivors.
My second born is in 6th grade. The younger kids were not allowed to watch the news and perhaps that was worse. They heard dribs and drabs and didn’t really know what had happened. This made it more upsetting for him. The younger children wondered what terrible things had happened and if their family was safe.
I sat with our boys and we talked. They told me they were kept inside for recess. Why they were kept inside I really don’t know. It seems rather silly to me to keep kids inside for recess when planes are being used as weapons. That only served to make them feel uncomfortable and question "why". If the teachers were saying they were safe they’d be in danger outside for ten minutes?
Granted the schools were not prepared for such a national tragedy - but all the more reason to have kept the televisions off and let the kids learn of the news in a controlled environment from their parents. I will be addressing the school on this issue and suggest they not broadcast live news again. Video it - show it after the school physiologist has had an opportunity to be involved.
When my little guy who is a big second grader this year came home I told his brothers to beat feet for a bit. We exchanged our usual hug and kiss and I asked him how his day was. He seemed much more relaxed than his older brothers. I knew by his behavior and body language that he hadn't learned of the terrorist attacks yet.
I took him by his hand and we walked over to the sofa. “Punks - did you hear anything about the news on TV today?”. I specified “TV” because I knew he would be able to tell from my tone and body language that we were going to have a serious conversation. By bringing up the TV he would know that whatever it was - it was not about his family, cats or school.
“No Mom - what happened?”.
I told him that some very naughty/bad people attacked two Towers (no need for too many details i.e. World Trade Center Towers One & Two).
I told him that the buildings collapsed and many, many people died. He asked "who did this?" I told him we didn't know yet but the President was very busy finding out. Daddy and I wanted him to know we would be safe and if he had any questions at all to ask one of us.
He responded that this "was not very good". We talked a little bit and he said he was wondering why his teacher was so upset when someone called her on her cell phone.
It seems some person lacking judgment phoned his teacher while she was in the middle of teaching her class of seven-year-olds. Why? To inform her that someone she knew was in the WTC when it was attacked. While she did not tell the children anything she was visibly upset and he was upset to see her shaken and sad.
Perhaps teachers should not be allowed to use cell phones in their classrooms. I think the use of cell phones has gotten out of hand. There is after all a time and a place for everything. If it were a real personal emergency I am sure the principal would have come to the classroom - that’s the kind of woman she is. She takes care of her staff.
I spend a lot of time with my boys. We enjoy a really open and honest relationship. This past week has been particularly stressful for me and I know for millions of others in our great nation. The need to protect my family and the innocence that remains tests me in ways I had not considered before.
I’m aware there are many folks who simply don’t realize the long-term ramifications of last weeks terrorism. We are a country who was attacked and our leader President Bush has declared we are a nation at war. Some people think/thought this ordeal would be over in the blink of an eye. Others are all doom and gloom "it's the end of the world."
Today when I arrived home from work I flipped on MSNBC for the latest news. I watched servicemen boarding ships with their family nearby tears streaming down the face of many, many people.
What can I do to help my children deal with current events and the sadness of a war?
Faith.
Most Americans have a higher power. We (the USA) are a mix Christians, Jews, and Muslims, etc. We are fortunate people to live in this great nation where so many faiths and nationalities unite under one flag. We should teach our children to trust in God and pray for guidance.
I am not a religious person although we are raising our children in the Catholic church. I do attend mass right along with the boys. For personal reasons that I will not go into I will simply state I consider myself very faithful to God - not religious.
My first thoughts when I saw the second plane hit the trade center was "Dear God". I believe he is there and listens. This is what we teach our children in our home.
In our family our children go to religion classes and church. It was a very moving experience to watch them in church this weekend. The older two really listening closely to what the priest and deacon had to say.
Patriotism
To some extent this is something the children learn of at school. For the most part this is something like faith in God - it must be taught at home. I remember the Vietnam War. My oldest brother was in the Vietnam War, his son is enlisted. My husband served in the Marines. My grandfather was in WWII.
Fly the United States Flag.
My oldest son puts ours out first thing in the morning and brings it safely in the house each night. Our flag? Well, while we are expecting the arrival of a nice 3X5 flag any day now. In the meantime we are using a child's flag for now. Measuring perhaps 20” X 30” it sits in a decorated coffee can on the railing of our front porch. What can you and your children come up with?
Wear red/white & blue ribbons as a show of unity. Tie ribbon to your car. Hang up Memorial Day or Fourth of July decorations that will especially help young children to feel something special is going on - something they can take great pride in.
Family
Spend time together - normal time. Watch a video tape if there is only war news being broadcast on the TV. Play a game of cards or cook a meal together and spend that time letting the children talk about everything and anything on their mind.
Yes, they will tend to ramble at times but they need to feel free with their feelings with you. When they feel free to speak their mind they will be able to vent their thoughts and feelings. Let your children feel comfortable enough to talk to you about life in general and any fears they have about the country or growing up.
Life
Live. Let your children breath. We live in Connecticut not so far from Manhattan really. The day after the terrorist attack when all planes were grounded Americares was flying overhead as the neighborhood children played.
One of our boys came running to the door “Don’t worry - it is Americares flying blood into the city.” An older neighbor was outside when the helicopters were flying by and wisely set the children’s mind at ease.
We have the gift of life. Live every second of it and enjoy it. Mourn those that we have lost but don't die with them. Don't let fear over take your life. Work, shop, school, soccer games - live. We honor our country men and woman by this.
Support
Lend emotional as well as financial support. If you know any shut-ins be sure to find time to lend them a hand. An hour of your time will make the world of difference to someone who is shut off from the world and feeling scared and stressed. Older children can do this. Just the opportunity to see a smiling face at the door will offer a lonely person some much-needed distraction.
Remember the fire fighters, policemen and victims. Remember their friends and family. If you know someone who did not walk out the door of one of the buildings or airplanes put together some type of memory book for their family.
Do not forget our servicemen. Do not forget their spouses and children. They will be separated for a very long time. Realize the unspoken fear in their hearts. Consider many servicemen have worked part time jobs as well as working on base to provide for their families.
With ships pulling out and troops being moved around realize these military families in many cases are under financial stress which is not talked about. Do what you can do with your children to help make their lives and their families’ life easier for them during this time.
*Note: If anyone reading this is aware of a charity (verifiable) that will help our service “families” please leave a note under comments.
Closing Thoughts
Today as I write this I know my oldest son is bringing home a poll for parents of eighth graders. Every year the eighth grade class goes to Washington DC in the spring. This year in light of the tragic events in our country the school is polling parents.
It will be difficult for me to say “yes” I want my child to go to the capital our Great Nation with his eighth grade class. I know in my heart it is the right thing to do. To say no would stop an age-old tradition. I myself went with my eighth grade class many years ago. It is a time for growth and maturing. Sharing and bonding with classmates and friends. I will not allow some faceless devil to steal that from my son.
I urge you to continue loving your child with all of your heart but do not give in to the terrorists. Do not give them your freedom and the happiness due your children. Keeping them safe does not always mean physically. We must encourage them (emotionally/mentally) to feel safe in this world. That is our job as parents.
Be cautious when you are outside of the home to guard your children from situations or people that will undermine your child's confidence. While shopping today I was chatting with the woman at the register "I'm picking up some things to bake Christmas cookies with while they're one sale" I said. The gentleman bagging the groceries was all doom and gloom. "If there is a Christmas" he said in a loud, upset voice. Others muttered their fright.
Looking around at the faces of other shoppers and cashiers who heard him I said "Of coarse there will be a Christmas - why on earth would you think otherwise? To think otherwise is giving in to the terrorists. They will not take the hope and love of Christmas from my family."
Is there fear in my heart? Sometimes. To quote my famous (from my other Epinions) Nana. "The devil was trying to get to me but I won't let him do it!". My faith in God will bring me through - no matter what.
Stand strong and proud along the flag of our nation. There have been other wars - we are not the first parents to face this. We can face the unseen enemy united. Lead and your children will follow.
I am proud of our Nation. I am proud of our citizens.
~God, Bless the USA and all of her allies~
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Personal Note: On September 11th 2001 on the 104th floor of the World Trade Center South Tower a native of my small hometown lost his life.
Evan Gillette was ahead of me in school but I knew who he was. Most of the girls did. Dark hair, flashing smile and kindness are what I will always remember. Passed at the age of 40. Last known words to his mother "I love you Mom".
Proceeds from my Epinions for the month of October will be donated to Americares located here in Connecticut.
In memory of all who unknowingly gave their lives, who have helped forge stronger families and a stronger nation.
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