My Daughter, My Hero
Nov 03 '01 (Updated Nov 05 '01)
The Bottom Line Sometimes our children can teach us everything about bravery
”Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you.” Isaiah 49:15
THE PHONE CALL
It was 9:50 on the morning of August 1st, 2000. I got a phone call at work. My wife, obviously emotional, told me my daughter needed to tell me something. Through tears and with great difficulty my 7-year-old daughter said, “Tom’s been touching me.” Her nightmare started a few months earlier. As a father, mine began with those words.
Tom was my ex-wife’s husband, stepfather to my oldest two children. I have custody, but the kids had spent about half the nights of that summer at their mother’s house. We’d heard from the kids some things that alarmed us that year. One or the other of them would sleep in one room with Mom, while the other would sleep in another with Tom. To the children it was a “treat”. To us as parents it was one of the many red flags. Why it wasn’t to my ex, I’ll never know.
I called her about what our daughter had revealed and asked her to go talk to her. I couldn’t leave work immediately and hoped until I got home, Mom and step-Mom could calm and soothe my little girl. Well, my wife did the best she could while trying not to interfere with the mother/daughter interaction. Unfortunately, my daughter was dragged by her arm onto the front porch and grilled by her mother, finger wagging in her face, scared and crying.
After that none-too-loving exchange, my ex went to confront her husband. By the time I was able to get permission to leave work, she'd had her talk with him and returned to my house. When I got there she was crying, "What am I going to do!" My daughter was comforting her! I understand how a revelation like we'd just had can really shake up your world but her mom was not the victim that our girl was.
I called the sheriff's department.
TELLING AND RE-TELLING HER STORY
When the deputy arrived 30 minutes later my daughter told her story for the first time to a stranger, having to repeat details that would make an adult blush. The deputy had to refer the case to a detective that deals with sex offenses, so two days later she had to again summon up those memories and describe them in detail. They decided to pursue a criminal case. In order to reduce the trauma of repeated interviews the county tries to minimize the number of times a child victim has to go over his/her story by conducting one session with a trained interviewer on video tape. Unseen by the child behind glass are the prosecuting attorney, a representative of law enforcement, and someone from Division of Family Services. But that is not the last retelling. Depositions by the defense attorney and case preparation by the Prosecutor required many more times she had to describe what had been done to her. Our only instruction to her all along had been just tell the truth. That was all she did, as witnessed by her consistency and detail.
NOT ENOUGH FOR MOM
On the first night after my daughter's disclosure her mother began to turn on her. "She's always been aggressive that way," she told us.(A 7-year-old!?!?) "Something did happen but it's not what you think." There wasn't one person that heard that little seven year old tell her story that didn't believe her...other than her mother. And pressure, however subtle, was put on her to recant. "Tom can go away for a long time and I'm not happy about that," her mom would say. Unhappy enough to testify against her own daughter at trial.
As seems typical in criminal cases, the defense seems, when they have no real explanation for the facts, to attack the victim. She didn't have the days of the week right. My wife and I coached her because we were jealous of their money.
As we had told my daughter, the truth will win out. Nine months after she revealed to us what was being done to her, we had a resolution of sorts. The jury ignored a woman that said it couldn't have happened because she's "a mother and would have known if he did it." They listened to the testimony of a sweet, brave young girl and they knew. They knew and found him guilty of 5 counts.
VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT I GAVE AT SENTENCING-JUNE 22,2001:
"From the time their mother and I each married a second time, Molly and her brother were taught that their step-parents were equivalent to their own parents. As a matter of fact, we told them, a step-parent may deserve a bigger measure of respect for taking on the responsibility of children that are not their own. And though I can count on one hand the number of activities for both children that Tom Costello attended during his years in their lives, they began viewing him as that ideal. It wasn't long before the started calling him "Dad". That was the relationship Mr. Costello had with Molly that he took advantage of. He used her love and trust of him to victimize her, and counted on securing her silence by playing on that relationship. Molly's pediatrician and counselor have both warned us that the full effects of this probably won't surface for years, not until she is old enough to realize what a betrayal that it was. Already Molly has paid a high price for standing up for herself and the truth. There were many missed school days for court dates, depositions, Advocacy Center interviews and counselor appointments. She needed to re-tell and re-live those terrible nights repeatedly in front of strangers, embarrassed to talk about it, but desperately needing to make it stop, to be protected. And in reaching out she found herself abandoned by some of the people she needed most. She has had to withstand the opposition and anger of her mother and the doubt and excuses of her maternal grandparents. She's weathered allegations that her love of dance made her want to go through the hell that this has been. She's stood rock solid through it all, as tough as it's been, and for that she is a hero. Many good things may also be said about Mr. Costello by his family and friends which may be true. I know that the acts he committed against Molly do not define Tom Costello the man, but they already have altered Molly and may well have destroyed the woman she could have otherwise become. I ask that the court take this into consideration when sentencing Mr. Costello."
PRISONER #1061879
Whether sentence was already decided before victim statements were given (as I am sure it was) did not matter as much as having a forum to not only point to the impact the acts had on my daughter, but to praise her for her courage. As for her mother's husband, he's spending up to 19 years in prison with his first parole hearing in March 2004. His own children and others are safer for now, all thanks to my brave daughter.
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
clubber63366
|
|
Member: Mike
Location: Ofallon, Missouri
Reviews written: 16
Trusted by: 33 members
About Me:
Hard_to_please 's brother .... Miss you bro!
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.