Our "inner-child ", transparent through our works...
Jan 17 '03
The Bottom Line Whether it's a child's crayon drawing dealing with feelings, or words posted in Epinions' Writer's Corner, "inner-child" feelings are put forth for you to see...be gentle,...please.
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I recently shared with some of you with whom I feel a closeness here in the Epinions' community, that the principal of the elementary school where my daughter teaches, lost her 14 year old son in a tragic skiing accident on New Year's Day in New Mexico.
According to my daughter, who used the terms "blues and blacks" as to his prowess on the slopes, it was not lack of ability or experience that attributed to his death. (I'm not a snow skier, so those of you who are, will not have to ask what those colors referred to, as I had to do.)
I've turned down every invitation to snow ski. I don't like cold weather. I have a fear of heights and falling...
and, I feared hitting a tree.
And that's what happened not only in this case, and in the case of someone who was once a friend to me, and in the case of celebrities we've heard about, such as Sonny Bono.
Therefore, my refusal to snow ski, because I just can't see spending money to go somewhere I might be miserable, and would much prefer curling up inside the lodge in front of a roaring fire and people watchin' to taking my chances with my fears on the slopes. And I can people watch locally at the mall without the expense of ski resorts!
The principal, and mother of the skier who died so tragically and so very young, whom I shall refer to hereafter as 'Ms. Principal', has been a never ending source of encouragement and a tireless mentor to my daughter as she switched careers midstream, and took up teaching.
My daughter has an MS in Marketing, but upon becoming pregnant made a choice to switch to a career that would give her more time with her baby/ies. Despite having a graduate degree, she lacked the necessary teaching certification, and had to take additional courses to become a teacher. She started out substitute teaching, and finished the requirements while holding a full time teaching contract and being a mother to two little girls only 16 months apart in age.
Ms. Principal has always been there for my daughter throughout not only her struggle to attain teacher certification, but has been her confidant on many personal issues regarding family life as well. They had established a truly special relationship, as far as my daughter was concerned, and she had often expressed that if Ms. Principal ever transferred to another school or district, that she would request or attempt a transfer to the same. She respects her capabilities and value as an educator that much.
Needless to say the death of Ms. Principal's child has left a deep impact upon all who worked with her or knew her through other organizations. It has also left me with such feelings of empathy for this woman, this mother....who has taken my own child under her wings to guide her where and when I couldn't.
Ms. Principal has understandably taken family medical/emergency leave as she struggles with this tragedy,and her projected return date is early March.
Her friends, co-workers, in fact, her whole work and church families have attempted to envelope her in an effort to show support for her, her husband and daughter.
The church where she attends is preparing an evening meal to be dropped off for Ms. Principal's family 3 evenings a week for the next 3 weeks.
My daughter is head of the "Sunshine Committee" at the school, and they are supplementing the church undertaking by preparing food 2 evenings a week, plus, they plan to extend this 'care basket' evening meal 3 weeks past the church's time frame.
The plan is to keep visits brief, and a pre-arranged email signal to my daughter will alert her if Ms. Principal should not be up to having the care basket that day, or if they want the care basket, but just want it left on the front porch without personal interaction.
It's hard to know the boundaries in a situation like this, and everyone is doing their best to show concern, but not inflict themselves when the family needs space.
My daughter is especially concerned because shortly after my divorce from her father, his fiance was tragically murdered, and my daughter suffered anguish when she saw how people would avoid her father, because they didn't know what to say. He once described to me how people would turn and head in the other direction when they saw him, simply to avoid him because of discomfort over his loss.
He ended up with my "ex-best friend" of 35 years shortly thereafter, because she didn't turn away from him. In fact...I've never seen a woman so jubilant about discussing her funeral attire...to me...when I called her to break the news of my ex's fiance's death.
I knew then, just listening to her babble on and on at a time like that, that she was on the way out the door as a "best friend", and could see the eventuality of the relationship she and my ex now have.
But that's a synopsis thrown in just to explain why my daughter wants to be there for Ms. Principal whenever and however long she's needed to be there for her. She admitted that she would not have understood the need a grieving person would have, had she not seen what happened with her father.
It is regrettable, but true...that people tend to be there throughout the first week of grief, and then that support dwindles slowly in the next couple of weeks.
A few weeks go by, and there's no one around to offer support. This is so sad, because support is still needed and appreciated in most cases.
Just listen, and let them talk. If they are not up to talking but need companionship, be there.
And the children at the school are working through their feelings for their Ms. Principal's loss.
Grief counselors have been available to explain their principal's absence, and help the children deal with the realization at what ever age appropriate level they deem is best for the children. One of the projects was handmade cards, a timeless school days art project that seemed especially appropriate for this occasion of sympathy.
The school counselor delivered these childish offerings to Ms. Principal at her home, and I found her reported thought provoking statement regarding the cards showed the infinite wisdom that only a Mother and educator could possess, even in a time of grief.
Upon having glanced through the cards, Ms. Principal mused to the counselor that trees seemed to dominate the artwork on the cards, and that due to the abundance of tree-related drawings, that she had steeled herself to encounter at least one that showed a skier slamming into a tree.
The counselor had to admit to censorship when she was forced to reply with, "Well, ummm...we went through and removed all of those."
And again, I have to applaud and appreciate this woman's insight in regards to children from years of working with them and being a mother.....in order to so graciously accept, and understand that little children pouring out their hearts in the only way they can express their feelings of sympathy....could possibly have drawn a skier slamming into a tree.
And I think that the trees alone, must have brought forth such a mixture of emotions involving anguish and understanding, denial and acceptance,...and who knows what other emotions unless you've experienced the same type of grief. I haven't...and I pray I never will be forced to deal with grief at that level.
These little children put forth their feelings about what had happened in simple crayon drawings of trees. I wasn't privileged to see the cards, but I hope they also drew some rainbows, and perhaps flowers and smiling suns; perhaps a ray of hope for better days ahead.
But...they drew an abundance of trees to express their sorrow at what had happened to this child.
Is it any wonder that trained specialists who work with allegedly abused children give the children leeway to draw, and color with paints and crayons as they work with them. Those drawings are then scrutinized to see what can be seen in their works, that isn't verbalized in a session.
I came to Writer's Corner today, I guess for the same reason.
I'm struggling as a mother to work through my empathy with Ms. Principal's loss.
And I can't draw trees here; I leave only my words as an effort.
I guess you could refer to my effort as a forest of words, because this subject is a little deep and dark like a forest can be, and there is an abundance of words...just as a forest is composed of an abundance of trees.
And by leaving my efforts to draw trees here in Writer's Corner today, I'm aware that I'm being transparent and showing my "inner-child" to you.
Be gentle....and I promise the same whenever I see your "inner-child" in your works.
That's my promise of a ray of sunshine showing through this somewhat dark and gloomy forest of words.
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Epinions.com ID:
iwannagrowup2b
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Member: Connie Turner
Location: Euless, Texas, USA
Reviews written: 15
Trusted by: 34 members
About Me:
iwannagrowup2b urges: "Women's heart attack symptoms are different from men's...ask your doctor!"
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