Dead, Men, Don't, Prufrid: The GC Addresses Death, Commas, and Homonyms
Nov 25 '03 (Updated Mar 29 '04)
The Bottom Line The proof is in the pudding. Reading is FUNdamental. Eat some FUNdamental pudding today!
Contrary to popular opinion, a proofreader is not an employee of the state alcoholic beverage commission who spends his days reading the labels of liquor bottles. Come to think of it, that could be an interesting job... Instead, a proofreader serves as the writer's last line of defense against having truly stupid, weird, goofy, or embarrassing things find their way into print. It's a dirty job, as they say, but somebody has to do it. The problem is that, unless you're a pro, you end up proofing your own writing, and - just as many a parent has tough time admitting that little Drew or Heather is a dummy, a bully, or shouldn't be starting striker on the soccer team - we have a tough time finding fault with our own output. Curmudgeonliness aside, we all do...
In hopes of making some infinitesimal improvement to the overall quality of written communication, the Grammar Curmudgeon drops by every once in a while to share some thoughts on the subject of finding and fixing your own boo-boos. Here are some thoughts on the topic of editing your own work. You do edit your own writing, don't you? Please say "Yes"!
Comma Comma Comma Chameleon*
The redoubtable gracef, a grump of a different stripe, is curmudgeonly about commas in much the same way I have a homonym hobgoblin. She says something about their not being "friggin' Christmas ornaments," I believe. So, in hopes of currying favor with Her Grumpiness, here are a few thoughts on the usage of the little squiggles. I'll start with a piece of advice: Read it out loud.
A comma is used to separate written words into grammatically distinct units in much the same way that speakers use a brief pause. So you can often test the placement of commas by reading a sentence aloud, pausing at each comma. If a pause makes the spoken sentence sound awkward, there's a good chance the comma is superfluous. You can locate missing commas the same way: if your natural speech pattern places a pause where there's no comma, perhaps you need one. You won't know either way unless you read your words aloud.
One common comma dilemma is whether to use them to set off short descriptive phrases. The answer is, "It depends." It depends on whether that little phrase is essential to the meaning of your sentence. A rule of thumb is that if you can leave the words out and not change what you're trying to say, then it should be surrounded by commas. Compare the following two sentences:
* Dan Brown, author of The Davinci Code, is a scholar of religious iconography.
* Dan Brown is a scholar of religious iconography.
The phrase that's inside commas amplifies the description of Brown, but is not essential to the meaning of the sentence. It's only there to identify which Dan Brown is under discussion - if the author's name were Hallertau Brown, you probably wouldn't even bother with it. Contrast this usage with another pair of sentences:
* Milk that has been left out overnight is unfit to drink.
* Milk is unfit to drink.
In the second case, the phrase "that has been left out overnight" is essential to the meaning of the sentence, and should not be set off by commas. So when trying to determine whether you need commas around such a phrase, try comparing meaning with and without the words. Oh, and read 'em both aloud: it's good practice.
I Hear, I Forget...
An oft-repeated adage says, "I hear, I forget; I see, I learn; I do, I understand."** Let's focus on the first pair for a paragraph or two. In an era where word processors "correct spelling mistakes" for us, some writers forget that the word processor has no idea what word you mean to use when you type. Spell-checkers just follow rules invented by a computer programmer to find the most likely candidates in a word list when you fat-finger the keys. Even the fairly sophisticated grammar checkers cannot take context into consideration.
What's that mean? It means that if you're using a word that you've only heard, then you may not end up seeing the word you really want. So if you're using a word that is familiar to your ear but not your eye, may I suggest that you consult a dictionary? Here are a few examples I've found around here lately:
It does provide incite... You can get arrested for that! Maybe you meant "insight"?
...ciaos on a cruise... An Italian cruise line? And here I though most cruise ships flew the Norwegian flag! Perhaps the writer meant "chaos"?
...comes back home from her high fluting life in San Francisco... What, she was a musician living atop Russian Hill?. Look up the word "highfalutin" in your dictionary, OK?
You can also fallow eating plans from other books... Hmmmm. I tend to lie fallow on the day after Thanksgiving: tryptophan'll do that, they say! (thanks and a tip of the hat to sleeper54)
There will be more of these the next time - trust me on that - I have a near-endless supply, with new ones arriving every day.
Dead Men Tell No Tales
I'll leave you with these interesting thoughts on death and dying, courtesy of people who failed to proofread their work and pay attention to what they had said:
...Dr. Hoenikker has long since past on. I guess that if he's "passed" on, he's "past" tense - or more likely, "past" caring.
...it's doubtful Mr. Roeper will become as immortal as the late Gene Siskel. If Gene Siskel was (is?) immortal, how come he's dead?
I hate to be the pallbearer of bad news. Has "Don't shoot the messenger" somehow morphed to "Don't shoot the message"? Presumably, the writer meant "bearer," but one never knows.
So, until next time, your humble correspondent suggests that you might - just might - want to get in the habit of proofreading your work. And don't give me that sorry excuse that the Internet is a medium of convenience. This is precisely the place where you need to hone your skills. Practice proofreading here, and it'll be second nature out in the real world!
* my apologies to Boy George and Culture Club
** Or something like that - I only heard it...
This is the seventh of a series of notes from the Grammar Curmudgeon, an irregular series of... what, "diatribes"? "rants"? "suggestions"? on improving the quality of your writing - not just here on Epinions, but every time you create a sentence, a paragraph, or even a book. Feel free to suggest further topics (I already have a generation's worth up my sleeve) by emailing me or leaving a comment.
You can read a subsequent Grammar Curmudgeon installment at EEEEE, or find the previous Grammar Curmudgeon broadside at Usage II.
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