Grace
Mar 23 '04 (Updated Jul 14 '05)
The Bottom Line It's time...
It's time...
Her mother named her while still carrying the child - somehow, Amy knew that this new life would show us the meaning of grace.
January 12, 1995 - welcome to the world, Emily Grace...
August 6, 1997 - Emily's body ceased functioning, her mind and spirit claimed three weeks earlier in a drowning accident at our home...
A few days later, I sang to her memory at her memorial service...
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From the very start, Emily proved to be a special little girl - though, at just over ten pounds at birth, she began this life in no small way. My wife noted the ascending curve of our children's birth weight (Katy, our first, was just under six pounds, and our son Matthew debuted at about eight), and she declared that twelve pounds was NOT going to happen. Emily seemed destined to do everything in a big way. She proved to be different from our other children in many ways over time; her blond hair grew into a perpetually unruly mess, curling under and over, framing a face not unlike that of my mother - Katy and Matt favored my wife's heritage with straighter hair and Douglas features. She had piercingly alert blue eyes that took in every detail of our young family's home, and as intelligent comprehension began to manifest itself on her face, she crafted a slightly crooked smile that she'd combine with a mischievous sideways glance of the eyes. Her daddy had no chance at all...
Amy stayed at home with our young children while I worked, and it quickly became apparent that Emily was a go-getter. Never content to merely emulate her older siblings, she took what she learned and expanded upon it. Crawling was evidently too easy for her, and she graduated almost overnight from rolling over to cruising along our sofa, then on to walking in very short order. I remember my surprise one day, returning from work to the joyous rush of my kids greeting me at the door, and here came Emily, toddling around the corner close behind, grinning that crooked smile with obvious pride at her accomplishment.
Emily had an independent streak that constantly amazed...
I would often take a few minutes after work to sit and relax, usually with some chips and salsa to assist. One afternoon, Emily propped herself up by the elbows on the coffee table, directly across from me and my snack. She watched closely as I dipped a tortilla chip in some spicy salsa, then she lowered one hand toward the bowl, head still propped up on the other hand, and dipped a chip in the salsa. She brought a sizable spoonful toward her mouth, and I gently warned her, "that's hot, Emily..." She placed the snack in her mouth that still needed several of the teeth usually necessary for proper chip enjoyment, and proceeded to chew. I waited for the startled look of realization, the panicked grab for her nearby sippy cup of juice - instead, she swallowed the remains of her food, and reached into the bowl again for another round. Emily was steel resolve, never blinking back a tear, or wavering from the task at hand until we finished the entire bowl together. I swear she was daring me to blink first...
A friend of the family had introduced us to the Veggie Tales series when it was first released. We all immediately took to the fun storytelling, and we could sing all of the songs together. Emily was born three months after the first video was released, and she grew into a toddler listening to the rest of us sing and laugh along with the tapes as they came out. The day came when she decided to demonstrate her own mastery of the theme song... as Larry the Cucumber blurted out the first notes on his tuba, Emily began to bounce up and down in time as usual, then we heard a little voice chime in with the characters, singing along with her own special remix of the lyrics bwah-co-leeee, ce-deh-weeee, peechy keeee....vegeetales and then she began to spin in slow cirlcles, still bouncing and singing. Our child had watched us sing along with this song over the months and, deciding that our performance was somehow lacking, choreographed an original dance number on the spot. To this day, you might still witness my family, singing the Veggie Tales theme song, spinning in slow, bouncy circles...
I've always tried to keep music in the lives of my children. My wife and I have sung in choirs, performed in many concerts, played instruments, led music in church - music is part of who we are. Many nights as we tucked our children into bed, all three of them in the same room at this early stage, my wife or I would sometimes sing a spontaneous lullaby, usually something silly, as the children snuggled in to sleep. Occasionally, I would sing some of my favorite lullaby, Billy Joel's Goodnight, My Angel to Emily...
Goodnight, my angel, time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know, wherever you may go
No matter where you are, I never will be far away
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A summer's evening, July 1997
Amy was out for the night, enjoying some down time with friends while I entertained the children at home. We horsed around in the living room for a while, and watched a video together before bedtime, which I stretched out a little later than usual. Matthew was out like a light when he got into bed, Katy and I talked a little bit, and then I helped two year old Emily to get ready for bed. I kissed all of the children good night, and went back to the living room to watch the rest of a baseball game. A couple innings later, I began to notice a dripping sound from down the hall. I was puzzled about it's source, and I walked down the hall to the bathroom to investigate. I slid the door open to find a large puddle at my feet, the stopped up sink overflowing with water that continued to pour from the faucet, and Emily standing on her potty chair busily brushing her teeth, her face covered in toothpaste and foam. She stopped brushing as I came in, disarming me with that crooked smile, as she spoke through Colgate snowdrifts, "I did it daddy! I remembered.... I laughed despite my parental frustration; here was my baby, taking responsibility for herself, proud of her grown up sense of duty, she did it. I helped clean up her face, picked her up, and carried her back to her bed. I kissed her forehead, whispering, "you did it...
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Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean, I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep, inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me
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It's time...
Early the next morning, I took an extra hour to get ready for work, knowing I would need to stay later to spend some time with the afternoon shift manager in preparation for our annual inventory only weeks away. I related the story of my adventures in toothpaste to my amused co-workers; we all shared a good laugh over my precocious child. Around noon, the afternoon manager called me on the phone at the rear of the warehouse - he asked me to come to the front of the building so he could speak with me. I started at the tone of his voice; he sounded upset, and I had no idea what he wanted with me...
As I came close to the front of the building, he came to me with my jacket and keys in hand, and said, "You need to go home. There's been an accident..."
Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
but lullabies go on and on...
They never die
that's how you
and I
will be
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March 23, 2004 - it is time, time for me to finally commit this to more than memory. I beg your understanding for leaving the story at this point, but this is new and difficult for me. This is going to take time, and I ask your indulgence as I begin the process of telling the whole story. Amy and I have discussed writing a book together, discussing the events surrounding the death of our daughter, and the processes we went through during this time and afterward. It is our hope that this short introduction to the life of Emily Grace Padgett will be the start of something larger, something befitting the memory of our daughter. Still, I can't leave this without discussing grace...
Grace is mercy in action.
Grace is a couple from our church who helped care for our other children, who were not old enough to really comprehend the scope of what was happening. Grace is his quiet offer to find me food and drink; grace is his wife taking my children to a movie.
Grace is close family friends offering their hospitality for an evening when my wife and I needed to get away from the hospital to decompress. Grace is their listening ears and quiet lips in the face of our tormented ramblings.
Grace is the thousands of dollars collected on our behalf at my work from nearly every employee at that Costco warehouse. Grace is the vacation hours the corporate office added to my benefit package when told of the situation.
Grace is having a final moment with my daughter, grown up and proud, capable and independent.
you did it...
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Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel) © 1993, Billy Joel
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Update, May 17, 2004
Amy has started posting on epinions...just look for reviews written by pearannoyed.
today, Amy posted her first piece devoted to Emily's story. please take the time to hear more of this episode in our lives from her perspective
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Member: Andrew
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