Housekeeping the Rational Way
May 15 '05
The Bottom Line Dirty dishes reproduce exponentially...
I'm now renting a house. Which is a bit strange, as I can call someone to fix the water heater and Voila! someone comes over and fixes it. Very nice. But the bad thing about renting is that you don't have a choice about certain appliances, the use thereof, and the placement of such. My washer is smack dab in the middle of my kitchen, and the dryer is in a small room off my son's bedroom. Don't ask. I honestly don't know why it's like that. I just fuss about using it.
But it's an older house and one of the strange things is that it lacks a certain appliance. It was a no brainer for us, and we honestly didn't realize this until after we agreed to rent. Can you say Duh?
We have no dishwasher.
Which means, of course, we have to actually wash all the dishes. By hand even.
My children were in shock. They didn't rightly know exactly how to even go about washing dishes by hand. Of course I'm old as dirt and had started out that way, which is why I love dishwashers SO much. But I figured it would do them good to learn, and it wouldn't be that big of a hassle.
Boy, was I dumb.
You see, I love dishes. I love having complete "sets" for every occasion. I like regular dishes for family, "nice" dishes for not family, and dressy dishes for important meals. And then there are the holidays... Halloween dishes, Christmas dishes, and pastel dishes for the beginning of spring. Plus I'm never adverse to cruising yard sales, looking for the odd dish or two that, while not exactly matching any of my previously purchased sets, would look rather cool in compliment.
And that's not even counting my cooking utensils. I love having the newest gadgets and have a specific pot or pan for each item or method. Egg boilers, rice steamers, woks, bundt and cheesecake pans, tongs for the BBQ, pancake turners... The list goes on. Add in my canning tools and you have quite a conglomeration.
Remember though, we are now without a dishwasher, with me depending on the children to "help" with the chores. And they had never washed a dish, without mechanical assistance, in their lives.
Yup.
Boy, was I dumb.
I was beginning to think the children used a different plate for each mouthful. The dishes were always piling up, no matter how often I washed or assigned that chore to the kids. It was like the dishes reproduced in the kitchen sink over night, extending on to the counter, and even on the mis-placed washer which lords over my kitchen. I could never catch up. And the more I washed, the more dishes appeared. Brought from the diningroom, the livingroom, the bathroom, and sometimes found in the floors of, and under the beds in, the rooms of my dearly beloved offspring.
I tried taking the paper road. Or styrofoam, as it were.
Didn't make a dent in dish usage. The kids would simply use whatever was handy at the moment and I was left adding on another chore. Gathering up the paper dishes. Which also increased my garbage duty by incredible amounts.
So there I was. Normally in soapy water up to my elbows. Dirty dishes everywhere, and I had long passed the stage where I was completely tired of yelling about the dishes.
But then I had a brainwave. An epiphany. A light on the road to Damascus.
I wouldn't have to wash them if they weren't there.
Correct?
Made sense to me...
So.
I hit the cooking utensils. One boiler, one pan... and so on. I then separated out the dishes. One for me, and one for you, and one for the other you. Until everyone had exactly one glass, one cup, one plate, one bowl, one fork, and so on. And assigned them, actually using permanent marker to identify exactly which went to whom.
The rest went out to the shed out in my backyard. If you have children you will understand that this was as safe as placing the dishes on Mars. My children would never be able to bring themselves to actually walk ALL THAT DISTANCE to the shed just to retrieve a clean glass.
The rule is, if you use it, wash it. If you use someone else's, you die. If it's time to eat and you don't have a clean plate, that's your fault. Wash it. If you can't bring yourself to wash it... Starve.
As I am such a sweet and kind and caring mother, I take care of the cooking cleanup. Which is really not that difficult being that there is only one pan and one boiler.
And we do have an extra place setting of "guest" dishes. Wrapped in plastic, with the Curse of Tut's Tomb inscribed upon it.
In five languages.
This has actually worked, believe it or not. Even if every dish in the house is dirty, it's not that bad. Of course, there are not that many dishes left in the house. Though I'm beginning to think the children have an extra stash of glasses in their rooms for use in an emergency. Sometimes I'll find an extra, unmarked, glass in the sink. Which I do wash, but then take directly out to the shed.
Now I just need to figure out what to do about the reproducing laundry. And my shed is not THAT big...
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