Star Chores Part 4
Apr 17 '06 (Updated Apr 23 '06)
The Bottom Line The saga continues as Luke Whystalker receives his Jedi training...
Star Chores
Part Four (Episode -8)
“To be a Jedi, enter this cave, you must” said Yogi (Jedi and smarter than the average old green winkly thing). “I still say the kid’s just too stupid” he muttered under his breath.
Luke Whytestalker stared at the cave. “Are you sure boss? Only it looks a bit creepy…”
”Search your feelings, Luke” intoned Obi-Wan.
“Yeah, like that’s what I just did, duh” said Luke petulantly.
Obi-Wan looked sadly at Yogi. “You’re right, he is too stupid…”
“I am not! I’ll show you, I will I will I will!!” shouted Luke and rushed headlong into the cave, there to meet his worst fear. Obi-Wan and Yogi looked at each other and shook their heads sadly. Chewit and Han grinned at each other when they thought no-one was looking at them, and tried to look macho / Wookio otherwise.
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“You promised me there were no more Jedi left, Oooku!” yelled Daft Fader.
“Yeah man, I mean like there weren’t man, but then some dude brought the previous films where there were loads of Jedi out after the films I was used to and I got confused. Actually, I don’t think I even existed earlier, in the first films that were after the earlier films that came after the earlier ones that they preceded. Um…. What’s my name again?”
Fader groaned. It wasn’t enough to be the evil empire-building megalomaniacal father of the good but boring character, you had to have imbeciles with stupid names for side-kicks. I must see George Lucas about this, he thought. Maybe a few seconds in the Death Grip will bring a few changes to the script…
“Find them all and annihilate them! Then you can have some peanuts.”
Oooku groaned. “Oh man, can’t I even have a couple now, for the road?”
“No.”
“Like, it’d help me with my mission, man…”
Fader gave in. He always gave in when it was put like that. Oooku ate his peanuts, grinned and left, singing:
“I’m off to kill the Jedi
The wonderful Jedi of Oz”
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The cave was dark, but then that was to be expected as it was a dark cave. Luke looked around fearfully. He knew he would meet his worst nightmare here, but couldn’t work out what it would be,
“Luke!”
Whytstalker groaned. Even in his worst nightmares he had never dreamt of anything so horrible, so macabre, so sickening, so unsettling, so utterly hideous…
“Hi Aunty!”
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“The boy, how doing is he think you?” asked Yogi.
Obi-Wan looked at him sternly. “For goodness sake, Yogi, how many times have I talk properly asked you?!?”
Han muttered something to Chewit, who laughed in a Wookieeish type way, for he was a Wookiee though he wasn’t quite sure how to spell it.
“What was that?” asked Kenobi sharply.
“Wooo reooofds oo ooooweoo osooooeowoeowoeowoeoweo owooowoooo woooooooooooooooooooooo” explained Wookie.
“Oh wise guy, huh? Think teach better him can you?!?!” This just sent Han into paroxysms of laughter so Obi-Wan gave up and turned his attention back to Yogi, who had started singing:
“It’s tough
to be a cantankerous
old green wrinkly thing…”
“Yogi!! Snap out of it! Do you think the boy will make it?”
“Nah, he’s already dead if you ask me. Mummy’s boy.”
“Er… his mother died giving birth to him and his twin sister, remember?”
“Oh yeah… well, when you reach 900 years old, your memory starts going a bit…”
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Oooku started his search for Jedi, but got distracted eating a banana and was never heard of again. (Now there’s a throwaway character if ever I saw one!)
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“Luke, you can do your Jedi training when you’ve finished your chores.”
“But Aunty, I’ve got to save the galaxy and stuff…”
“No buts! You’re to clean your room, and that’s final.”
Luke groaned – his Aunt in this mood truly was his worst nightmare.
Then, suddenly, he had an idea. “Er, I’ve just got to nip down the shops for some stain remover…” and rushed out before she could protest.
Off he nipped down to the planet of Kimono to the cloning department, handed over a few galactic credits, and rushed back (with his clone complaining the whole way – do I really sound like that?, thought Luke). Quickly he pushed his double through the cave and announced to Yogi that he had successfully faced his fears.
Yogi looked at him thoughtfully. “Yes, completed your test have you, but in doing so, started a new evil you have.”
Luke was bewildered. “What evil can I possibly have started?”
Yogi and Obi-Wan answered loudly and in unison:
“THE CLONE CHORES!!”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Star Chores Part 1
Star Chores Part 2
Star Chores Part 3
Star Wars Reviews…
Films
Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
Animated
The Clone Wars Volume 1
The Clone Wars Volume 2
Computer Games:
Jedi Academy from the Jedi Knights series, published by LucasArts.
Knights of the Old Republic, also by LucasArts, the first real attempt at a Star Wars RPG.
Freeware Star Wars Games
Battle for Endor
Battle of Yavin
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