Some of Those "Firsts" They Never Talk About in Parenting Books
Jul 23 '06
The Bottom Line I just keep being dazzled as I watch my daughter grow.
Yesterday our family went to the movie theater to see a movie. I say this so casually, but inside there's a tiny little bit of me jumping up and down with glee. That's because this was the first time my four year old daughter (and only child) has ever gone to the theater to see a movie, and I have to tell you, it made the experience about ten times the fun it would have been otherwise. We saw Pixar's Cars by the way!
Before you start accusing me of depriving my daughter of the movie-going experience for the first four years of her life, let me tell you, until recently she just wasn't interested. She didn't watch television at all until she was two, and though she enjoys videos now, especially certain ones over and over, she's still far more of a bookworm than a video watcher, which frankly suits us just fine. Her attention span is longer for books than movies as well...whenever we do pop in a feature-length film at home, she almost always ends up doing something else during part of it or we end up watching it in segments. Besides all that, she's a very shy child who isn't always fond of big crowds and loud noises (or for that matter sudden plunges into darkness). So we decided this was not a matter we wanted to push, especially since the movie-going experience should be fun.
And fun it was! How exciting to see that yesterday, she really was ready to enjoy the whole experience. Siting in the big chair between Mommy and Daddy (well, until we ran into some friends of our's whose six year old son insisted he wanted to sit next to her...which we allowed, although her Daddy told me later, with great wistfulness, that it had been hard for him to give up his seat right next to his daughter during this special event). Looking curiously at the big screen before the movie started: we decided to see it in our family-owned neighborhood theater whose screen is the smallest theater screen I've ever seen, but it was still huge in comparison to a t.v....at least our t.v.! Being amazed by the lights, colors, sounds and the funny story. Boy, did she like those cars! Getting to share a Sprite with Mommy, sipping its yummy lemon-lime sweetness through the long straw. Eating rasinettes and getting melted chocolate on her fingers. And yes, bringing out her two favorite travelling bears (I'd stowed them away in her little pink bag) so they could sit on her lap and watch with her.
Of course, she ended up holding onto her little white cloth (read: blankie or lovey) and cuddling on my lap for the last 1/3 of the film until my arm fell asleep. Such a big kid, and yet still such a little one. It turned out to be a good thing she was on my lap because there was one scene -- the frightening red tractor that charged across a field like a bull -- that scared her. She had the good sense to turn away from the screen and bury her head in my shoulder till it was over, then turned back without a word and enjoyed the rest of the story. I felt very proud of her for that.
There are so many "firsts" no one really reflects on in those parenting books and magazines you read before you have a child. They stop with all the "major" milestones, like first tooth, first step, first word, first birthday. And those are all wonderful. But it's the fun and unique milestones that you share with your children as they get a little older that no one else can ever really capture in words. Maybe, come to think of it, they shouldn't even try. After all there's no textbook way to predict when or how they'll happen. Probably lots of children see movies much earlier than my daughter, for instance, and maybe in some families going to the movies together isn't even seen as a big deal. But for us, yesterday, watching our little girl sit there in the darkened theater and giggle just felt like a wonderful event.
And it seems all kinds of firsts, big and little, are coming at us these days. Her first root beer popsicle: "you like it?" I asked in surprise, because she doesn't usually like root beer, to which she replied patiently and oh so sweetly, using the pronoun "you" to refer to herself: "you're not too excited about root beer drink, but you like root bear popsicles." Her first card games...UNO and Go Fish. I caught her flipping through the cards a day or so later and when I asked what she was doing, she told me she was shuffling them like Daddy. Then she casually dealt one each to herself and to her bears. The first time she rode a horse -- a real, honest to goodness horse -- and we weren't even there! We both had to work that morning and she went to a birthday party on a farm with friends, and they had a horse and she wasn't afraid to ride it!!! We have the picture to prove it, with her sitting astride its brown and white back, reins in hand, grinning proudly at the camera. The first time she drew a picture of a person...and I could *tell* it was a person before she even told me, because I could make out the eyes and nose and crooked smiling mouth.
These are heady days, watching her grow and bloom. Some of the inner milestones are even more exciting than the outer ones. The way she's learning to exhibit self-control: the other day she put herself into timeout when she knew she needed one. The way she's learning to show kindness to someone else when they're hurting or crying, offering a hug. Seeing her bow her head and fold her hands to pray. Having her remind me that we need to pray for a person or offering to pray for that person herself. And even better, hearing her pray -- and hearing her pray about things that are really on her heart and real things, even small things, she's thankful for. Like last night: "And thank you, God, that there were so many cars in that movie!"
Nope, these are the things they couldn't write in parenting books if they wanted to, because they are moments that have to be lived...with each child and each family noticing and celebrating those memorable "firsts" in their own way.
~~befus, 2006
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Member: Beth
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You-can't-get a cup-of-tea big enough or a book long-enough to suit me...C.S Lewis
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