" Who Do You Think You're Talking To?!....
Mar 03 '01
The Bottom Line Start early, and you will reap the rewards of having a well rounded, normal teenager.
I have read books, magazines, and have watched countless television shows, on the subject of 'Raising Teenagers'. It's almost like there is something alien about this. You can make it hard on yourself, or you can start by doing the one thing that works. No, I don't have a magic solution, just some common sense advice.
To begin with, ( and this is the key ), you have to start teaching your child, what is acceptable, and what is not, at the earliest age possible. I know, I know, they are sooo cute when they are babies, and all those cute things make you smile or even laugh. I got caught up in this same thing, when my son was small.
They hear mom or dad, say something smart, ( or nasty ), as a reaction to something, without realizing that, their child is taking this all in. Then your little bundle of joy blurts this out in public, or at the dinner table, and you think 'how cute'! While you are giggling about the cuteness of it, you are at the same time, trying to tell your little one, "that's not nice", or "you shouldn't say things like that".
Well, they have seen the reaction from you as, non-threatening, so it just goes on from there.
While watching the Oprah show yesterday, they had some teenagers on there, who were actually cursing at their parents! What struck me ( and Oprah, who has NO children )was that the parents did not know how to stop their own children from misbehaving!
These parents actually showed video tapes of their teenagers, sassing them and you could hear the parent in the background begging the teenagers to behave! Hello! I can not even imagine myself, begging my child to do something. Oprah told a short story about, her best friend Gail's children. Oprah had been visiting her friend and her godchildren, and they were sitting at the table, when the three year old said something smart to her mother. Gail looked at the child, and said sternly, "Who do you think you are talking to?! The child sheepishly looked down, and replied, "My shoe". The point being, the child knew from her mothers' tone of voice that, what she had done was not acceptable. Oprah intimated that she had not heard the child ( who is now a teenager ), talk 'smart' to her mother since.
The hard part in raising a teenager, is starting out in the right way, when they are small. Consistency is the key. Sure, they are cute, and you are proud of every little accomplishment they make, but if you are letting them talk, in a disrespectful way, to you then, what makes you think that they are going to stop, when they get to be teenagers?
I made the mistake, plenty of times, trying to be friends with my child, and be an authority figure, at the same time. Well, it usually doesn't work both ways. I'm not saying you can't be nice, and compassionate, and even have fun with your child. What I am saying, is to know where to draw the line.
We all want our children to be polite, and have good manners, but when chores are required, or curfew is the rule, you don't ask, you tell. When you ask things like "Will you please clean your room, or please do the dishes", you are leaving yourself open for debate. You did, after all ask the question, therefore, giving the child the option of saying, yes or no.
I learned all this the hard way. By raising three, teenage boys. One of my own, whom I raised from birth, and two step-sons, whom were raised by a mother, who was seldom home, and, had a different set of standards than I. Teenagers are difficult enough when, you raise them from birth, but, let me tell you, raising someone else's child, that were not brought up with consistency, can be a nightmare.
Parents now days, seem to be, somewhat intimidated, by their own children. I can't seem to figure that one out. Even when children are small, parents don't want to give out a set of rules, and abide by them. They let their children wear them down, until the child gets his/her own way.
Some guidelines to go by, are:
1) Start teaching your child, at an early age, what is acceptable, and what is not.
2) Be consistent. You can't be the authority figure, in your childs' life, if your child knows that you will allow them to keep bugging you, until they get their way.
3) Teach your child what respect is. You can talk to them in a non-threatening way, and still be stern. If you don't demand respect, by teaching it, you won't get it.
4) You have raised your child to be independent. Trust that you have done a good job, and let them have their freedom from their parents, a little at a time. You are not going to be able to keep them from making mistakes, now and then, so be reasonable, when they do make them.
5) The last, and most important thing is, to remember, that You, were once a teenager, and you were not perfect. Don't expect your child to be, either.
This is an 'update'. I forgot to say 'Thank You' to Epinions management for giving this category back to the consumers, and writers.
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Epinions.com ID:
1truluv
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Member: Louise Smith
Location: Florida
Reviews written: 114
Trusted by: 184 members
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