Adoption - It Ain't All Good
Apr 10 '00
Adopting my two children have been the most special moments of my life; however, there is another side of adoption that I've experienced that was a nightmare.
I do not want to scare away potential adoptive parents. I just want to give you the facts of what happened to us so that you can hopefully avoid a similar situation in your adoption quest.
Last summer we had been on the waiting list with the adoption agency we were working with for over two years. My daughter was 4 and I was getting antsy about getting another baby. I decided to call around to some of the other agencies in the area to see if they would share home study information so we could be on additional waiting lists.
I phoned an agency here in my city. During the initial phone conversation I was told that they had a birth mother that was very close to delivery and they had no waiting parents. That should have been my first warning sign. In the same conversation I was told that the birth mother had some pregnancy complications and she was needing to have a phone hooked up in her home in case of an emergency and was asked if we would be willing to pay for this. I was also told that this birth mother had placed twice before and if there ever was a sure thing this was it.
I could go on and on and on with play by play details regarding our next two months of torture but I won't. I will just say that after meeting the birth mother at her request, paying adoption fees and birth mother assistance, being give 6 different dates of birth (C-section), being led to believe the birth mother had cancer (a lie), etc..... she never had any intention of placing the baby. The day the baby was born she had her phone disconnected. We did not hear from the agency until a week after the baby was born. They told us they called the hospital and were told the birth mother had delivered and went out of state the next day. She then returned and kept contacting the agency asking for money saying that she still planned to place the baby. This went on for two months when I finally said there had to be some closure and that we were removing ourselves from the situation.
There is no sure way to protect yourself from a birth mother changing her mind or even one that is trying to cheat you. I would just suggest to think with your head and not your heart as hard as that may seem. Ask questions and do not give up until you get the answers. Make sure the birth father is in agreement with the adoption plan, especially in the case of a married birth mother, which was our experience. Use an agency that comes highly recommended and does everything in a very professional manner. Check with your state department of human or family services to see if there have been any complaints against the agency with which you are contemplating using. If something does not seem or feel right it probably isn't.
After the nightmare of our summer was over we received a placement from our original agency which really helped in our healing process. I should have been more patient. Patience is hard to come by when you are waiting to adopt.
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Epinions.com ID:
mheid123
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Member: MJ Heid
Location: OKC, OK
Reviews written: 23
Trusted by: 2 members
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