"Mother Of One Goes On Strike From The Outside World"
Sep 18 '00
That's what today's newspaper headline would have read if the world revolved around me. Maybe, just for today, it did.
What Did I Do Today ?
I went on strike from everything not related to being a mother.
Side-Tracking (A.K.A. How you know this is an editorial by me)
Anyone who had read the interests I have left has noticed for the past few weeks, have left a comment that I need to relax and find ways to enjoy all the moments before me.
Briefly, I am a 27 year old new mother to 4 1/2 month old Colin Joseph, and wife to John. Dealing with infertility, Colin was conceived with the aide of a fertility injection, so it is quite a blessing that he is here. Additionally, I teach 7 children with special needs 7:15 am to 2:15 pm Monday through Friday.
I am concerned lately about letting myself fall into the work/home routine. You know the one where you run around all day and never feel really satisfied that you accomplished a full anything. In my quest to satisfy this un-settling feeling I keep getting that life is passing me by, I am trying to appreciate both the important and the seemingly trivial things in my life. I have taken part of a show I saw on Oprah (don't laugh) and while I don't write in a Gratitude Journal, I search out little things to be grateful for each day.
I have been working on a few main areas (not ranked in order of importance): husband, family, new house, baby, and work. In these areas I am trying to see where I can improve, and where I can relax.
FOCUSING ON BEING A MOM
Colin started eating cereal this weekend, and was sort of fussy, we think due to gas. He did not sleep soundly Sunday night and obviously did not feel well. I was tired, he was tired, and I was worried about taking him to day care. At 5:30 though, when my alarm went off for work, I got out of bed and headed to the shower. I kept thinking about all I had to do today at work, the meeting I had scheduled, the students I needed to get off the bus, the other days this week I already was going to be out and leave my wonderful aide with a sub.
Then I saw my darling boy tossing and turning in the bed .
And I remembered what I promised to myself, how I was going to find a good balance between the teacher in me, and the mother in me. Without further hesitation, I called in for a sub, and crawled back into bed with my son.
I cannot remember when I have had a more pleasurable day.
I got to speak with Colin's doctor, try cereal again, ask some family and friends for advice, nap with Colin, and spend his awake hours playing with him. It was heaven .
I know I could not do this every day, I still believe that I made the right choice in going back to work.
But I can feel my heart shifting. My "allegance" if you will to my job does not take precedence over that to my son.
This is what motherhood means to me. Creating moments, being physically and emotionally available for your children, and holding on tight for the ride we call life.
Thank for reading. I know it was not very eloquent, and I thought about editing this, but I'd like to leave it in this sort of rough state.
I think it shows this mother's true state of mind, and quite possibly there's no need for editing such a thing.
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