Don't pick up the phone.. pick up a pen instead.
Jul 01 '00
My mother died a few days after Christmas after a year-long battle with a difficult form of cancer. She was the type of woman who impacted lives right up until her death, a wonderful ray of sunlight to the many who knew and loved her.
When she finally died, it was painful and shocking in spite of her illness. Her loving friends naturally wanted to comfort us, her children, but to be honest, those who helped the most were the ones who sent us a card or letter letting us know they were thinking of us, that they were there should we need them for any reason, and then let us be and let us call the shots. Grief is an exhausting process and I simply wasn't up to phone calls or visits. In fact, I dreaded them so much that my husband answered the phone for a month for me.
It wasn't that I didn't appreciate their concerns for me, but I was overwhelmed as it was. A phone call or visit demands interaction, even when the other person understands and outright says "It's alright if you're feeling too down to talk." I was feeling too down to listen, even. I remember absolutely nothing of their kind words and gained nothing from the conversations. I don't even remember who called except for the few people who were so draining upon me that I had to overcome resentment at their intrusion.
On the other hand, cards and letters are wonderful. They're unintrusive, sitting quietly there until you're ready to read them, causing no societal guilt for waiting a day or two for attention. But even more beautiful, they remain after the shock has passed, ready to be picked up again and treasured. Not only did they comfort me when they arrived, but continue to comfort still. I'll keep them and share them with my children when they're old enough to understand the sentiments, each richly detailing the love and beauty their beloved grandmother shared with the sender, or for those who wrote who didn't know her but were thinking of us, offering lasting examples of thoughtfulness.
If you know of someone who has recently lost a loved one, perhaps the most considerate thing you can do is to stop yourself from dialing their number. Instead, sit down and write a letter. Pour out your emotions and your love in a way that will be lasting and won't intrude on their pain. They'll know you're really and honestly thinking of them.
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Epinions.com ID:
QueenLyssa
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Member: Lyssa Jaraba
Location: Riverside, CA
Reviews written: 64
Trusted by: 19 members
About Me:
It's good to be queen.
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