silktempest's Full Review: Music from the 3D Concert Experience by Original S...
Like HANSON, JONAS BROTHERS are brothers and market themselves as vestal virgins. Unlike HANSON, no JONAS brother looks like a little girl nor could carve a decent tune. Unlike decent tunes, their releases are filled with little girls' fodder.
Like NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, JONAS BROTHERS are little girls' fodder. Unlike NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, they can't dance for your money. Unlike any little girls' fodder, one of them parodied BEYONCE in a cross-dressing hit video in YouTube.
Like any Boy Band from any era, JONAS BROTHERS has a mass industry orbiting around them. Like any Boy Band from any era, JONAS BROTHERS wanted to use it all. Unlike any of them, JONAS BROTHERS are endorsed by Disney.
JONAS BROTHERS recently released a 3D movie experience. 3D, tridimensional. 3, brothers. D, depends on you. Delight or deceit?
Like any Boy Band from any era, JONAS BROTHERS has a mass industry orbiting around them. Like any Boy Band from any era, JONAS BROTHERS has it and is going to use it all.
Unlike any Boy Band before them, they released a 3D movie experience. Like any Boy Band would have it done, they also released a 3D sidekick sonic experience (in CD format, as any of them would have it before MP3s and playlists ruled the Earth).
What they can't compose, sing or dance, 3D movie experience does for you. Check the sleeve and you have flashing guitars, the BROTHERS filling the world stage with rapture. Check the movie and you have the Boy Band performing as international jetsetters, as band on the run, they could even get arrested if one discounted their harmless personas.
But this time it's music.
What they can't compose, they can have it composed by (someone in Disney), but you won't necessarily want it that way.
What they can't sing, they can have it sung through Pro Tools and vocoders if TIMBALAND was involved (you wish he was).
What they can't dance, just dance, you can dance the mess around your fingers, waiting for the 3D movie experiences' raptures (if little girls are involved) or even some laughs (little girls discounted). But there's not enough room for experiences 3D in a CD. They should have tried Blue Ray. Even though there's more than enough time for raptures 3D in a 60-plus minutes CD listening.
Like MICHAEL JACKSON, they wanted their movie to reflect their personas. Like MICHAEL JACKSON, their CD pretty close resembles a jumbled mess of unrelated tracks. Unlike MICHAEL JACKSON, the movie works it out. Unlike MICHAEL JACKSON, the CD falls flat.
That's Just The Way We Roll, like any Boy Band opening tune, has loads of fake guitars and harmless bravado. Unlike Rock N'Roll, there's no rolling, there's no rocking. Unlike you, your grandma will think it's pretty.
Hold On, like any Disney tune, is all about holding on. Unlike Can You Feel The Love Tonight, you can't really feel much things listening to it. Unlike ELTON JOHN, their ballads seem vacuous, even though production values are considerable.
BB Good, like any Boy Band tune apart from the singles and the bookending tunes, makes not much sense. Unlike Big Brother, is all about not keeping an eye on something relevant. Unlike the opening track, this is no good for your dog.
Video Girl, like any post-MTV Boy Band, is about videos and girls. Unlike DURAN DURAN, it sounds more videogame than The Chauffeur. Unlike Girls on Film, you won't think of racy videos for this unremarkable tune.
This Is Me, like any Boy Band release, is egocentric. Unlike N'SYNC, no strings attached. Unlike NO DOUBT, DEMI LOVATO is just a girl and I still won't give her much credit.
Hello Beautiful, like any Boy Band release, is about being friendly to others' beauty. Unlike older Boy Bands, they don't know what life is for. Unlike TAKE THAT, no JONAS brother will ever outsold OASIS. OK, they are unlikely to become gay icons.
Pushin' Me Away, like any Boy Band tune, is ambiguous. Unlike BACKSTREET BOYS, they don't want it that way. Unlike their counterparts, time is pushing far too slow.
Should've Said No, like any little girls' fodder, exhales sensibility. Unlike THE SPICE GIRLS, they want to stop right now. Unlike their Boy Band companions, they have trimmed the process and recorded a version of a girl's song - TAYLOR SWIFT, who even erupts for a 3D movie cameo.
I'm Gonna Getcha Good (ugh), like any Boy Band would have it, is a younger Emo tune. Unlike MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, there won't be any Black Parade for the Technicolor boys. Unlike PARAMORE, they think little girls with colored hair no good getchin'.
S.O.S, like ABBA, is ear-sugary. Unlike The Winner Takes It All, only losers. Unlike Titanic, no kings of this world.
Burnin' Up, like the BEE GEES, is about a triptych of brothers having a good time. Unlike ANDY GIBB, they can't really burn up (maybe, a fortune). Unlike any Brother Gibb, you can neither dance nor fall in love to it.
Tonight, like any younger brother or yours, is about what they won't do tonight. Unlike your brother, it's not funny. Unlike you, Tonight is not the night, everything it not right, and it's not OK.
Live to Party, like any MADONNA impersonator, is about just that. Unlike MADONNA, they prefer impersonating BEYONCE. Unlike BEYONCE, they are still living the Sasha Fierce mood.
Love Is On Its Way, like Obama, you agree. Unlike other tracks, it is brand new. Unlike the next track, it was named, even though it didn't really deserve to.
The last track, like NIRVANA's Endless, Nameless, bears no name and lasts forever. Unlike Dave Grohl, there's something left to lose - your time. Unlike Kurt Cobain, you think this is really dumb.
* * That’s Just The Way We Roll * 1/2 Hold On * BB Good * * 1/2 Video Girl * * This Is Me * 1/2 Hello Beautiful * * * Pushin’ Me Away * * Should’ve Said No * 1/2 I’m Gonna Getcha Good * * 1/2 S.O.S * 1/2 Burnin’ Up * Tonight * 1/2 Live to Party * * Love Is On Its Way * * The last track
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