Miller: Outstanding Slug Bait
Written: Aug 01 '00 (Updated Nov 22 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Inexpensive, relatively non-toxic
Cons: Doesn't stand up to rain
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| cking's Full Review: Miller High Life 2403b |
We live in the Pacific Northwest, which is cool and wet, and every year hoards of slimy slugs descend on our garden and make quick work of the tender and vulnerable plants we have grown from seed and entrusted to the well-prepared soil in our garden. There are a lot of commercially available slug preventatives, but most contain chemicals with inch and a half long names and dire warnings on the box about the health risks they present, so I’d rather not have stuff like that near the tomatoes. I have tried all the folk remedies suggested by people—copper or cardboard barriers, etc.—but none have proven consistently successful. I have, however, found one product that seems minimally toxic and is quite inexpensive to boot: Miller High Life. Fifty cents of an MHL tall boy in some strategically placed (dolphin safe!) tuna cans and it’s good bye Mr. Gastropod!
Some of you effete micro brewed slug bait aficionados are probably getting all huffy since you know that your favorite frou-frou boutique beer is a better slug dispatcher. To avoid one of those long and pointless epinions comment holy wars, I conducted a scientific experiment. I put out 3 beer-filled tuna cans (Remember: dolphin safe! We only kill tuna around here, not them cute little dolphins!) in the garden. One held MHL, one held Widmer Hefeweizen, and the third held Minott’s Black Star Double Hopped Lager. I selected Minotts as the control beer after a rigorous and exhaustive research project one weekend in my home laboratory (OK, living room). I have determined that Minotts is exactly halfway between the less expensive mass produced beers like Miller or AB and the let’s-take-out-a-second-on-the-house-honey-I-want-to-buy-a-six-pack microbrews.
Here is the data:
DAY ONE: Put out the beer.
DAY TWO: Forgot to look. Cursed self.
DAY THREE: Rained. Beer ruined.
DAY FOUR: Replaced beer.
DAY FIVE: Eureka! MHL: Six slugs! Widmer and Minotts: only two slugs apiece.
Quod erat demonstatum*.
So, the question remains: why do they advertise this product as beer? I’ll tell you: they don’t want to have to put a warning on the cans. Herewith, I give you the warning that should be printed on cans of Miller Brewing “High Life” slug bait. Feel free to print it out and affix it to your own cans to protect you and those you love from improper use. In keeping with the whole environmentally sensitive, one-world-love-it-or-leave-it, dolphin friendly tenor of this epinion, if you’d like to save some trees, email me (chrisking@ureach.com) and I will send you an attractive, 6-up label template in Microsoft Word. (Please specify Windows or Mac!)
WARNING
FOR EXTERNAL USE IN THE CONTROL OF PESTS ONLY! NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. KEEP AWAY FROM PETS. AVOID PROLONGED EXPOSURE.
EYE IRRITANT! Avoid contact with eyes. In case of contact, flush eyes with water for 15 minutes. Consult a physician.
HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED! If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Consult a physician or poison control center immediately.
* Thus it is proven, or QED. I took three years of Latin in High School and this is the first time I have ever really used it. Sheesh.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
cking
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Member: Chris King
Location: Portable, OR
Reviews written: 44
Trusted by: 54 members
About Me:
I am a rock. I am an island.
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