Don’t Be Fooled by Cheap Imitations – Be Fooled by EXPENSIVE Imitations!
Written: Apr 01 '03 (Updated Jun 30 '04)
|
Product Rating:
|
|
|
Pros: Tequila will get you really, really drunk!
Cons: So will Sterno.
The Bottom Line: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Or I’ll sue your ass off, sucker.
|
|
|
| Sordid-1's Full Review: Porfidio Anejo Tequila |
Tequila tastes good. And, assuming the June 12, 2001 report of the Periodico Publico newspaper of Mexico is inaccurate, Porfidio bottles REAL tequila, perfectly delightful for those who enjoy the taste of real tequila. Those who savor the Bacchic delights provided by REAL tequila rather than bogus, FAKE tequila containing over 50% sugar cane alcohol very well might enjoy a nice shot of Porfidio Anejo Tequila, once again, assuming that the June 12, 2001 report of the Periodico Publico newspaper of Mexico is wholly inaccurate.
It is often said that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. In the spirit of this spirited ode to skewed, diluted (unlike Porfidio Anejo Tequila) discourse, I shall pay spiritual homage to this spirit.
Straight from our home offices in Frivolous Litigation City, Montana;
THE TOP TEN LIST of REASONS TO BUY PORFIDIO ANEJO TEQUILA
1) If the June 12, 2001 report of the Periodico Publico newspaper of Mexico is totally inaccurate, Porfidio has likely never falsely labeled tequila bottles in a scum-sucking, money-grubbing act of pure consumer deception.
2) If the June 12, 2001 report of the Periodico Publico newspaper of Mexico is, indeed, a crock of shit, it is a distinct possibility that Porfidio has never had big, whomping buttloads of tequila seized by the Mexican government for being produced in “unhealthy conditions.”
3) Excepting one isolated and unsubstantiated report from Epinions user Chuck Broginger, the consumption of Porfidio most likely does NOT cause anal warts. I do not have any documentation to back me on this, though, as it appears this has not been empirically proven by any credible scientific study.
4) As long as the June 12, 2001 report of the Periodico Publico newspaper of Mexico is entirely discounted, it is very, very likely that the owner of Porfidio, Martin Grassl, has never been accused of fraud and consumer crime by the Mexican government!
5) Porfidio’s website looks really cool and makes no mention whatsoever of fraud or falsified export certificates!
6) According to Porfidio’s annual report, they showed a gross profit of over 32 million dollars in 2001! As long as the June 12, 2001 report of the Periodico Publico newspaper of Mexico, as well as the similar reports on TV Azteca, are steaming hunks of refuse, there is an excellent chance that those profits were earned through non-fraudulent, non-“consumer screwing” methods!
7) Tequila tastes good.
8) As long as the June 2001 La Jornada report by journalist Cayetano Frias Frias is all a big load of hokum, no clandestine, unauthorized Porfidio distilleries were found operating in “unhealthy conditions”, and the Mexican government’s consumer protection branch (PROFECO) did not close down Porfidio’s operations at Puerto Vallarta and Guadalajara & Porfidio sales were not prohibited at that time.
9) Porfidio Anejo Tequila is very inexpensive when compared to new automobiles and real estate.
10) As long as the reports at alcoholinformate.org.mx & tequilaaficianado.com are totally and wholly without merit, it is almost CERTAINLY within the realm of possibility that Porfidio is an organization ran with the utmost integrity and NEVER, EVER gouges customers with over priced, falsely represented product in the most devious, slimy, underhanded way possible!
If this glowing endorsement has not prompted you to put up a second mortgage and buy several cases of Porfidio Anejo Tequila right now, I don’t know what will.
For an official denial of all allegations and proclamation of “A MAJOR DEFAMATION CAMPAIGN”, please read the sage and unbiased words supposedly submitted by Porfidio owner Martin Grassl here:
http://www.tequilaaficionado.com/article.php?sid=177
This public denial was submitted in October of last year. Since that time, it would appear that Mr. Grassl has been arrested by Interpol (probably on trumped-up charges as a part of this “MAJOR DEFAMATION CAMPAIGN”!):
http://www.embamex.co.uk/press/2003/gbr0012003.htm
Unfortunately, though, it certainly does appear that Porfidio Anejo Tequila has its naysayers. They are probably all ne’er-do-wells who are jealous of this class organization, but if you want to check out what these grumpy curmudgeons have to say about Porfidio‘s business practices, I suppose you could check out these links:
Tequila Aficionado
http://www.tequilaaficionado.com/article.php?sid=148
La Jornada
http://www.jornada.unam.mx/2001/jun01/010612/019n2eco.html
TV Azteca
http://www.tvazteca.com/hechos/archivos/2001/6/28014.shtml
Alcohol-Infórmate
http://www.alcoholinformate.org.mx/infoalcohol2.cfm?id_infoalcohol=515
Also, boozehound Epinions’ reviewer 4-1-1 had the wild audacity to write a review on this fine, fine product and belligerently lend credence to some of these muy loco accusations that can be found splattered all throughout the Mexican press. Personally, I think he should be punished for such insolence, so please go mock him relentlessly.
Buyer Beware: Porfidio bottles FAKE Tequila
However, the good people at Porfidio apparently have the best interests of YOU, the consumer, in mind. It would appear that those valiant, stalwart souls have opened a dialogue with boozehound Epinions’ reviewer 4-1-1 and are diligently working towards obliterating his review from the face of Epinions.
Now some would say that is barratry of the most frivolous nature – a contrived effort to silence a dissenting voice through intimidation and force of law. But surely we all know better than that, right? We all know that we should be PROTECTED from honest, fairly presented viewpoints on consumer-related websites. After all, freedom of speech is a useless, antiquated concept, right? In my opinion, it is a far better thing to squelch and silence the weaker parties who dare face up to the might of a corporate behemoth. Especially if there is ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF that said corporate behemoth causes anal warts.
I say screw boozehound Epinions’ reviewer 4-1-1, let’s all leave him hanging out to dry. As far as I’m concerned, all future reviews, rather than being submitted to Epinions, should be submitted to Porfidio to ensure that nothing is said that they do not like. Forget truth, forget honesty. Henceforth, you should all do exactly like me and bow to the whim of the corporate might wielded by fine, upstanding, non-anal wart causing companies like Porfidio.
Let’s go threaten and squelch the little guy! Are ya with me?
Oh, and don’t read this either. It’s just a bunch of balderdash:
How to Pick Fights World-wide using Epinions
I give Porfidio Anejo Tequila five stars! I can only hope that my hand doesn’t slip in the process of assigning the rating and cause me to inadvertently assign it one star instead. Such an accident could potentially prompt nasty letters from a corporate legal office.
Recommended:
No
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
Sordid-1
|
 - Top 1000 |
|
Member: Jeffy
Reviews written: 62
Trusted by: 418 members
About Me:
You wouldn't notice a muddy elephant in the snow, would ya?
|
|
|
- Add to My Yahoo!: 
- Add to Google Homepage: 
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.