Pro Guard Garter Belt: Are you man enough to wear women’s underwear?
Written: Sep 19 '04 (Updated Sep 19 '04)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Keep your socks from falling down the classic way
Cons: You cannot buy parts and they tend to get lost
The Bottom Line: There are better ways to hold your socks up these days. Only old school players still bu these
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| puckmugger's Full Review: Pro Guard Youth Hockey Garter Belt |
▪ Why a Garter?
There might be some who disagree that hockey is the manliest of team sports. Hockey players get to carry sticks which sometimes double as weapons. Mere rules are not enough to eliminate such behavior. Yeah, baseball players get to carry a bat, but they are required to put it down between uses and they get to sit or stand around for long periods of time. Basketball . . . um, please. Football does incur some level of broken bones and hard hits, but have you ever seen a guy get hit in the face with a football and have to leave on a stretcher? I didn’t think so.
What’s the point of this? Well gents, if you’re man enough to play hockey, you’re man enough to wear women’s underwear. I’ll agree that most guys have switched over to the more masculine jock shorts with Velcro to hold up the socks. Still there is some level of respect that I automatically grant to any man who is brave enough to wear a garter in this day and age. I mean I just look at the guy and think, “Wow, old school! I bet this guy is good.” Point is, that you don’t have to be afraid to wear a garter, really.
▪ What’s a Garter do?
Besides wearing them with black stockings to seduce your girlfriend, garter belts are very effective at holding up hockey socks. A few of you might be thinking that only old guys with horrible chicken legs need assistance to keep their socks up. But let me assure you that hockey socks aren’t really socks anyway. Before I get on a bad tangent I need to direct you to my review explaining the finer point of hockey socks here - CCM Hockey Socks.
▪ How does it work?
Garter belts are filled with amazing high tech design features fresh from the turn of the century . . . well the turn of the 17th century perhaps. Interestingly enough the wearing of stockings was reserved entirely for men. It wasn’t until the mid - 1600s that women infringed upon the right of men and took away our honored privilege. Frankly we haven’t protested too often because the ladies look much better in stockings than we men do. But I digress, we were talking about how the garter belt works.
Garter belts, as the name implies are essentially a belt. Unlike a normal belt, designed to keep the pants from falling down, or to turn a fan in a automobile, the garter belt is worn as an undergarment. Four adjustable straps hand down from the belt – one at the front and another at the back of each leg. On the end of each strap is a metal hook with a sliding rubber piece that hooks to the socks. This keeps the socks from falling down.
I don’t care about my socks falling down.
Well, the rest of your team is fed up with it. Frankly, you look like a moron even if your legs aren’t getting cold skating wound that way. Do something about it, man!
▪ Specifics of the Pro Guard
Pro Guard Garters Belts come only in black. Some player prefer the more fashionable colors like red, green or blue. These colors are generally only available from Victoria’s Secret and similar places. They also are made of materials less likely to last long during the rigors of hockey.
The Pro Guard Garter Belt is made of heavy elastic with a Velcro closure. The elastic straps are adjustable to ensure that you don’t end up with “high water” socks. In all it is a pretty basic piece of equipment.
One negative that I’ve found with the Pro Guard Garter Belt is that the clear rubber piece that locks in the sock is not secured very well. Now, they won’t fall off during play or anything, but they do tend to work loose between games and sometime simply disappear. If Pro Guard sold these part by themselves, this wouldn’t be a huge issue. However, once they are lost, you are out of luck and need to purchase a whole new garter belt. Nothing like having to spend $10 for a 30¢ part that gets lost so easily.
▪ Other things to do with Garter Belts
Between games you can hang your garter belt from your rear view mirror in your car. People will think you are a real playah . . . or some kind of freak who hangs hockey gear from his mirror.
Wear your garter belt under your tuxedo when you get married. That way your new wife can start a new tradition by taking it off and throwing it for the hockey players signifying the next guy to get a Hat Trick. The downside is that it will make people wonder where that strange smell is coming from.
▪ Parting Thoughts
The one question that remains is why wear a garter belt when there are such great options available in this day and age with the combination shorts featuring a built in cup. Well, the obvious and fallacious argument that most players using a garter belt would be that it’s simply what they’ve always done. I would boil that down to fear of change rather than any advantage.
The only real advantage that garter belts have over jock shorts is the fact that the clips don’t wear on socks quite as quickly as Velcro does. In all honesty, the advantage is small. My socks generally get torn up from sticks and skates a great deal more quickly than from Velcro. I wouldn’t really recommend a garter belt for any new player. Old guns do whatever you like. I don’t care.
Some of my other reviews that you might find helpful:
Fitting and Selecting Hockey Protective Gear
CCM Hockey Socks
Hockey Suspenders
Recommended:
No
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