CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE'S ASSISTANT.
Written: Oct 23 '09 (Updated Nov 21 '09)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Visually stunning; the freaks are...freakish, builds a mood well.
Cons: Inconsistant with vision; too rushed, not enough character development.
The Bottom Line: This had a chance at greatness, and missed it completely. *Sigh*
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| talyseon's Full Review: The Vampire's Assistant |
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant. (2009) Directed by Paul Wietz
There are two words to describe Darren Shan (Chris Massoglia); white bread. Oh he is cuter than cute, and if you ever want to know what they mean by Cupid's bow lips, well, there you are. But he is the perfect son of the perfect, or most flawlessly middle of the bell curve parents ever (Don McManus and Colleen Camp) with an equally white bread little sister, Annie (Morgan Saylor).
Darren has two things that save him from complete blandness; he is an arachnophile, and he has a friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson) who makes sure he gets into a little trouble and a little fun every now and again.
One such adventure is to visit the mysterious Cirque Du Freak, where in they each find something that fascinates them; not the freaks like Mr. Tall (Ken Watanabe) or the wasp waisted Alexander Ribs (Orlando Jones) no, Steve is fascinated by Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) and Darren by his dance partner, a spider named Madame Octa. Darren's thing is spiders. Steve's is vampires. And Crepsley may be a famous historic one.
When the place is raided by the forces of conformity led by their school teacher, each boy uses the opportunity to seize his obsession. Darren makes his way back stage, and steals Madame Octa. He has to hide in the armoire and there overhears a good deal about a war between the vampires, and the vampineze. He also sees when Steve confronts Crepsley, begging to be made a vampire. Crepsley refuses, citing, among other things, bad blood.
Darren manages to slip away, and is given a ride in a purple Bentley by Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris) a corpulent manipulator, who believes Darren has a destiny.
However, misdeeds have a price, and Steve is bitten by Madame Octa. Darren has to go back to the Cirque to bargain with the creepy Mr. Crepsley for the antivenin.
The price is steep; Crepsley wants him as a half vampire; a day walking servant and gopher (read b*tch). And to that end he has to stage his own death.
But at his exhumation, Darren learns there are dark forces abroad in the night. They are attacked by Murtaugh, (Ray Stevenson) Mr. Tiny's pet Vampireze. Mr. Tiny wants to start a war between the vampires, who exist as cauchmers, feeding on the sleeping without revealing themselves, and the vampireze who glut themselves on blood, and leave a trail of bodies in their wake.
They seek sanctuary with the Cirque, where Darren finds himself flung among the freaks, rooming with Evra the Snake Boy (Patrick Fugit). He is attracted to Rebecca (Jessica Carlson) who does not seem freakish...until you encounter her tail...she is somewhat less impressed with him and his foot in mouth disease.
What follows is Darren struggle to retain his humanity, his lessons in becoming a vampire, his learning acceptance for the strange and unusual people around him, and the predestined battle between the Vampires, and the Vampireze. Sounds like a lot, doesn't it?
It is, and that is the problem with this production. There are a lot of elements in here, and there is no time for character development before the action whisks you on to the next plot point. If it was so complex, I don't see why they chose to make it 108 minutes long. Go for two hours, or better yet, two and a half, and develop some personalities!
Darren is the most notably lacking. He is supposed to be supernormal, and much freaked out by what is happening around him, but he just comes off as so very...white bread. His character is boring and listless, and even as he does open up, it is hard to see the process; it is more like it happens between takes. It would be easy to blame the actor (and I have not seen enough of his work to know if he is talented or not) but I suspect the fault is more in the writing and direction of this actor than with the kid himself. At least I certainly hope so. Even with accepting his scaly roommate, his own vampiric powers, and his girlfriends tail, he comes across as...so very vanilla. So White Bread.
Honestly, I have not read the books, but I strongly suspect that the story could only be improved with a little seduction by the vampire, a surrendering to the power and sensuality of his dark gifts. I think the relationship of his mentor would only improve with a little more Rocky Horror, and a little less Mr. Miagy. You can say that I just enjoy the thought of those pouty lips getting a little whisker burned, and you would not be wrong, but I still think it would add so much depth to the character and would have saved him from this steamed rice blandness.
There are a lot of wonderful characters, Madame Truska (Salma Hayek) who not only gets visions, but grows a beard when she is excited, William Defoe as the unctuous vampire Gravner Purl, and Kristen Schaal as Gertha Teeth. Not a one of these got more than a chance to be a running joke, or an underutilized mystery. If there is a sequel, they might get the play they deserve. But I am not holding my breath. I really wanted to like this movie. There is a lot right about it, particularly in terms of cinematography. But it seemed like it couldn't make up its mind whether it wanted to be an epic struggle or a comic book and thus it failed at both.
Bloodletting on Film and Page. Vampires.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Dracula
Blood: The Last Vampire
Cirque DuFreak: The Vampire's Assistant
Let the Right One In
Dead and Gone
True Blood
Twilight
Pathos II
PathosI
Perfect Creature
From Dusk 'Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter
From Dusk 'Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money
From Dusk 'Till Dawn
Lost Boys: The Tribe
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Near Dark
Dracula (1979)
Vampire$
The Lost Boys
30 Days of Night
Recommended:
Yes
Movie Mood: Teen-Flick
Viewing Method: Sneak Preview at My Local Theater
Film Completeness: Looked complete to me.
Worst Part of this Film: Pacing
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