Like A Virgin .. Touched For The Very First Time … Tighten Up Vaginal Cream
Written: Nov 18 '07
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Might work for some people, funny gag gift.
Cons: Neither of us saw any results from it.
The Bottom Line: "Tighten Up" might work for some people but you'd be better off doing some vaginal exercises than buying this.
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| Freak369's Full Review: Tighten Up |
Preface: This is a review of an adult novelty product and contains a somewhat explicit discussion of the product use, application and results. If you are easily offended please do not continue to read this review.
Often classified as a novelty product, Tighten Up is a product that some people swear works like a charm to tighten vaginal muscles. Why would someone want to buy and use this product? You can thank Tommy and his late night web surfing for this purchase. At first I thought he was trying to throw me a subtle hint but when he was all smiles about it I knew that he saw an advert for it with some outrageous claim and had to try it out. I rolled my eyes, smiled and patted him on the forehead. There's a fool born every minute and it seems like I am the one that ends up dating them. We tried out Tighten Up a few times with some hysterical results. If nothing else, this stuff works great on tightening up the skin under your eyes.
Tighten Up Vaginal Cream
This is not the same as China Shrink Cream, Chink Shrink [that is the actual name of the product], Chinese Shrink Cream, Tight Stuff, Liquid Virgin or Virgin Cream. While these are all made by different companies and have different packaging, their core ingredient is the same, alum. Specifically, Potassium Alum. This product contains the following ingredients: deonized water, glycerin, potassium alum, xanthan gum, hydropoyl methylcellulose, phenoxyethanol, methylparaben, menthol, calcium chloride and citric acid. If you compare Tighten Up to other comparable products you'll see almost identical ingredients with the exception of flavored ones.
Is this safe for oral consumption? Well, you aren’t going to sit there and eat it but if you are into switching positions and go from insertion to oral, this isn't going to harm your partner but it could give them a very tight pucker from the alum. Likewise, the unflavored versions are extremely sour and not all that pleasing to the palette. If you are going to try this and your partner has an overly sensitive penis I do suggest using a condom so the alum and other ingredients won't cause a reaction. When I asked someone at the video store about this they laughed and went off for ten minutes about what it could do to a man with a sensitive penis and why its so ultra important for pregnant women to not use this. I shouldn't have to go into detail why pregnant women shouldn't use this but you can Google "alum" and "delivery" and read the results for yourself.
Directions
Yes, there are directions on the label. Apply a small amount to the vaginal walls and allow product to work for ten to fifteen minutes before penetration. Sounds simple right? The first time we tried this we used our fingers. Let me say, that's not a good idea unless you can get to the bathroom and wash it off your fingers quickly. The resulting "prune fingers" about seven minutes later was enough to ruin any mood that was set so we had a good laugh and made a mental note. The second time we tried it we used long swabs from the shop. It went on better but getting into a position that allowed the swab to enter the cavity was, to say the least, rather clinical and not the least bit romantic. It was like a combination between a gyno exam and having the oil changed on your car. Again, our giggles, snorts and laughs ruined any romantic mood that was lingering in the air.
Proving that the third time is a charm we gave it another go. This time we used gloves and everything went well. Then we both sat there and looked at the clock as the minutes ticked by. A fly on the wall would have died of laughter at the conversation that took place.
Tommy: "Anything?"
Me: "No, nothing."
[three minutes pass]
Tommy: "Anything yet?"
Me: "Still nothing"
[another five minutes]
Tommy: "Umm, anything happening?"
Me: "Yes!"
Tommy: "Alright! Lets rock"
Me: "Yeah, I think I am dying of boredom"
Tommy: "Oh, I'm gonna go play SoCom"
We waited the full fifteen minutes and then, umm, tested out Tighten Up. From my side of the fence it didn’t feel any different and Tommy echoed the same sentiment. "It doesn't feel any different, maybe we need more". I wasn't about to have him slap the whole quarter ounce of it in me, with my luck it would end up some really weird "trip to the ER" story posted on some blog on MySpace. We decided to give it one more try later in the week and had the same results - none. I am sure that this product works for some people but for me / us, it was a complete bust. I did read about alum and alum compounds being used for eye cream so I wiped some under my eyes [and was careful not to get it in my eyes] and it did seem to tighten the area up.
So if this wrinkled our fingers and worked on my eyes, why didn’t it work when used as directed? There are any number of reasons why it could have failed us. The pH level of the vagina, amount of existing moisture, amount of cream used and even how old the cream is, how it has been stored and how it was store prior to purchase. I asked one of the interns at the hospital about it and he answered me, with a very red face, that it is a novelty product and most of the time the results that people get from it are psychosomatic not physical.
You can get Tighten Up at most adult bookstores or online at adult shops. Tommy wouldn’t tell me what he paid for this but when I checked the local video store the half ounce tub was $7.99. There are other brands out there that have the same ingredients as Tighten Up so if you can't find this exact name brand, just look for Potassium Alum in the ingredient list. This is not the same type of product that is used for keeping an erection or easing the pain of anal intercourse but if you should need such products, hit your local adult bookstore or adult video store and ask for some advice on which are the best to buy.
The Bottom Line
If this were a product that actually worked more people would know about it and it would be something that the FDA would be making a mint off of. If you want a tighter vagina go to the library and check out a few books on Kegel exercises or investing in a vaginal barbell [yes, there is such a product]. For most women the tightness of their vaginal and the strength of their vaginal muscles is something that they never think about. Tighten Up makes a lot of claims, as well as comparable products, but it gave us absolutely no results. Well, we did do a lot of laughing but that wasn't intentional. On a side note, vaginal barbells are listed in the Epinions database if anyone is daring or bold enough to locate one they have used or own and wish to write about it.
As always, thanks for the visit…
~^V^~ Freak ~^V^~
© 2007 Freak369
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