Pros: Simple, great illustrations, conveys emotions well, easy terminology/definitions.
Cons: reconstruction is chosen (Not necessarily bad - but a con for me)
The Bottom Line: Despite my personal feeling about reconstruction, a minor point compared to how helpful the rest of the book is, I recommend this to Moms facing surgery.
cascogirl's Full Review: Nancy Reuben Greenfield - When Mommy Had A Mastect...
Breast Cancer is so often thought of as a disease affecting women later in life, but with an ever increasing number of women being diagnosed with breast cancer under 40, under 30 even, a whole new issue is brought into the picture. Parenting.
Being diagnosed and undergoing treatment is hard enough at any age, and women need all of their energy to look after themselves at this difficult time, but imagine throwing in to the mix having to explain all of this to a young child? A parents illness can not be hidden from the children, kids are smarter than that, and rightly so as members of the family they should be included in understanding what is going on.
This book When Mommy Had a Mastectomy deals with the surgery aspect of breast cancer treatment. It targets younger children - I feel it is acceptable for children under 8 - and uses pictures and a story from a childs perspective to help other kids feel they are not alone.
The girl featured in the story could be anywhere from 4 to 6 and doesn’t have a name. She tells us her favorite things to do ending with her most favorite, hugging her Mommy. She and her Mommy have a special hug they have been using for years; where she lays her head on her Mommys breast to cuddle up.
One day her Mommy told her she had cancer in her breast and needed a special operation called a mastectomy to remove the breast and the cancer in it. Mommy would feel sick and tired but reassures her daughter that nothing she did caused Mommy to have cancer.
The book brings up the daughters fears of what Mommy will look like without a breast. Children don’t understand physical differences when they are young; they just know something is amiss. Like if Daddy always has a beard then suddenly shaves it off, or Mommy has always wore glasses and suddenly uses contacts – but on a larger more emotional scale – Children just see that something is different, that a part of their normal world is different and that often scares them.
What will Mommy look like? All the options are included, leaving the chest area flat, wearing a prosthetic, or having reconstruction to make a new breast and this Mommy says she is having an operation to have a new breast made and she hopes the doctor can fill it with chocolate milk!
While her Mommy is in the hospital the little girl is afraid she will never see her mother again, but she gets to talk to her on the phone and later visit her. When Mommy comes home she is tired and the little girl helps her mommy by doing special things like playing quietly, drawing pictures, dressing herself and bringing mommy a drink. Missing her special hug with Mommy they find new ways to hug and before long Mommy is back to doing Mommy things again and eventually her reconstruction is completed and they can have their special hug again.
The illustrations done by Ralph Butler are simple – no busy or distracting backgrounds, and the thing I liked was how the emotions were conveyed through the drawings. From surprise and shock when mommy tells her daughter about cancer, to sadness and tears when the little girl is afraid, discomfort when Mommy is healing, and the look of pride when the daughter is doing things to help Mommy. The emotions are useful for young children to help convey the message of what kinds of feelings are involved with this situation. My daughter is able to see that the girl is sad, and to see that the Mommy doesn’t feel well.
I’m really glad Nancy Reuben Greenfield keeps it simple. She only deals with the surgery part of treatment, not getting into chemotherapy or radiation, which could be a whole other book in itself! This way it deals with one issue, not overwhelming children with all the things that could happen. This way if a woman is just having surgery the book doesn’t confuse the child with other treatments and questions of why does this Mommy have medicine and you don’t?
Also for whatever reason there is no other family in the book. Another way of keeping it simple the book only focuses on the special relationship between Mother and child and how the mastectomy will impact them. No Daddy is mentioned, or grandparents. No matter what a childs family situation this book will be okay. If a second parent was featured it would then maybe alienate any children living in a single parent environment.
The first time I read this I was a little cranky (for my own personal reasons) that the author wrote in that this Mommy opted for reconstruction. I feel there is just so much focus on “fixing” and replacing the breast that is lost as if it is what should be done. She does explain that women have a choice, but the choice she makes is reconstruction. At the end when the mother has had the reconstruction the daughter explains it as (not in these exact words) "One day, one wonderful day when they do their special hug again, her head on Mommys new breast." Should I doubt my thoughts of not having reconstruction? Is my daughter losing out upon that wonderful day that I will be physically whole again? Ridiculous. Of course my daughter loves me the way I am and each of our hugs are special regardless, special because I have lived to be able to hug her again.
Before the story there is a forward about this book recognizing the need for education and awareness about breast reconstruction surgery and an aesthetics company is partnered with the book to help raise awareness. so if you are totally against reconstruction and do not want to discuss it with your child this book is promoting it somewhat, and you may want to speak with your child in other ways about why reconstruction is not the answer in all cases.
Luckily when I was diagnosed at 24 my daughter was only a year old. She was much too young to understand a conversation about my illness and the medical vocabulary to go along with it, she just got cranky that I couldn’t carry her or play as much as I once did.
Now that she is older she sees that Mommy has scars and she should know what they are from. We have read this book over numerous times and she often asks for it at bedtime and she copies the special hug from the book. Despite my personal feeling about the reconstruction aspect of this book – a point that is minor compared to how helpful the rest of the book is I would recommend this book to any woman facing surgery and looking for a way to share what is going on with their young children. It is simple and covers the range of emotions and feelings throughout diagnosis to the end of healing and the illustrations help enforce the things a child can do during this difficult time.
I bought this book at the Barnes and Noble table at a conference for young women with breast cancer for $14.95 but it is available online at a cheaper price.
Published by Bartleby Press, Maryland ISBN # 0-910155-60-7
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