‘Believer’ Mulder (David Duchovny) and sceptic Scully (Gillian Anderson), formerly professional partners and now romantic partners are no longer with the FBI, and no longer investigate the paranormal. In fact, Scully has become a surgeon in a Catholic hospital where she is attempting to save the life of a young boy with a fatal disease, but her pleas of trying stem cell treatment are ignored by the hospital’s bible-thumping administrators. How is any of this relevant to the film’s main plot? Barely at all, but shhhh! Don’t tell the filmmaker that!

Anyway, Scully and her disgraced former FBI agent partner Mulder are brought back into the fold to assist FBI agents Amanda Peet and Xzibit (Learn to spell, dude. Seriously!), after another FBI agent has mysteriously disappeared. Also assisting the FBI is Father Joe (Billy Connolly), a paedophilic former priest, supposedly repentant, who claims to have psychic visions about the agent’s disappearance. Scully is repulsed and unconvinced by Father Joe in any way at all, wanting nothing to with the case. After all, she only agreed to bring Mulder back from his shaggy beared self-imposed semi-exile (Newbies, ask a series devotee to fill you in on Mulder’s issues with the FBI. I can’t be bothered, because ultimately it has no bearing on the film’s story anyway), this case is his sort of deal, her life is medicine now. Mulder, of course, is always happy to go along with this sort of thing, until he finds evidence not to. When Father Joe finds a human body part in the snow, even Scully decides to tag along, despite extreme reservations.


“The X-Files” and I have an odd but generally positive relationship. Basically, I’m a fan, but not a fanatic. I stuck with the show throughout its entirety, and the first film was pretty entertaining too, if mildly disappointing. However, I am not a Mulder and Scully fan (though it’s hard not to have warmed to them at some point during the show’s run), I always felt that if Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish (the former love of my life- Divorce him, Annabeth! Please!) had’ve played Mulder and Scully, and David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson played their late season wannabe replacements Doggett and Reyes, then the show and characters would be just as popular, if not more. Patrick and Gish are better actors, more experienced actors, and have far more charismatic screen presences (especially the immensely likeable and highly underrated Gish). Anderson, for instance, has always seemed lacking in charisma and spoke in a bored monotone for at least ¾ of the show’s run (for me, the introduction of Gish actually brought out the best in Anderson, seemed to perk her up a bit). For this, I am in the minority of the minority (being that “The X-Files”, whilst popular, is still a cult entity). I also am not a fan of the conspiracy episodes of the show (with the Cigarette Smoking Man, the aliens with mysterious black liquid eyes etc.). I much prefer the stand-alone episodes of the show, and I guess this too puts me in the minority once again.

So when I heard that this 2008 second feature film directed by series creator Chris Carter (his film directorial debut) was going to be largely a stand-alone story, I was cautiously optimistic. I didn’t think there was any reason for the film to exist, hated that my girl Annabeth wasn’t going to be in it, and hadn’t heard anything too good about it, but...there was still a slight glimmer of hope. Turns out, I should’ve been a lot more wary than I actually was. This film is all wrong from just about start to finish. The plot and characters, however are a good place to start, as they represent the bulk of what is wrong with this film. There are three major ideas running throughout this film, and none of them work at all. Not with each other, and not within themselves.

Firstly there’s the idea of a paedophilic former priest with apparent psychic powers. To me, that sounds like one character trait too many, further complicated by the fact that he’s played by legendary (and awesomely so!) Scottish comedian/occasional character actor Connolly, who brings his own idiosyncrasies, and inimitable thick, Scottish accent, and it’s all too much for one character. It’s overkill cranked up to 11. Connolly’s performance is generally interesting, however, as a character seemingly in great pain to have these visions in his head, and yet with just the hint of an overacting phony. This might suggest a poor performance by Connolly to some, but it’s the character, he makes us constantly question this guy’s legitimacy, though given he’s a paedophilic former priest with supposed psychic visions, I’d say we’re right to question the guy’s legitimacy on numerous grounds. However, as much as I love Connolly, at no point was I seeing the character, I was seeing Connolly giving a solid performance as the character. He never quite disappears into the role, as he did in say “Mrs. Brown”, one of his earliest attempts at dramatic acting (and he was very commendable there).

But there are more problems than this, greater problems. The plot (which already involves a paedophilic former priest with apparent psychic visions) is quite frankly unseemly, uninteresting, and not at all appropriate for an “X-Files” story. I don’t want to go into explicit details about the main plot or where it is that Connolly’s character leads Mulder, Scully and the audience, but it’s all too icky and uncomfortable and better suited to a serial killer flick starring Ashley Judd and/or Morgan Freeman. Where are the little green men, ‘yo? As for Scully’s subplot involving stem cell research and her Catholic guilt is entirely unnecessary, tacked-on and uninvolving. Newbies Xzibit and Peet left so little impression that one wonders just why Doggett and Reyes didn’t get a go this time around, it’s not like they’d have been around long enough to steal Mulder and Scully’s thunder. This just didn’t seem like an “X-Files” movie to me, at least, not one I wanted to see. Why, in an “X-Files” film are we being subjected to questions as to whether the word of a psychic paedophilic former priest can be trusted? Who thought that this is what fans wanted for the next Mulder and Scully adventure? Bizarrely anti-climactic cameo by series regular Pileggi, unceremoniously introduced about ¾ of the way in is the final straw. The man is awesome and he most definitely deserved better. I just hope he was well-paid.

There are positives, it must be said. For starters, the story, ugly as it is, is much better than the awful Men in Black episode of the show (featuring former wrestler, former commentator, former actor, former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura). So that’s one thing in its favour. Thank heavens for faint praise, right? It was nice to hear Mark Snow’s iconic musical cues in the film, I can’t even remember if we heard the theme in the last film. So that was a nice touch. And good actors or not, Duchovny and Anderson work seamlessly together, despite the latter’s apparent discomfort/concerns in reprising the role after such a long absence, she’s fine enough, and no different to how she was on the show, really. Duchovny’s sense of humour and anarchy, his best trait (or the character’s), is thankfully still here (great bit involving the theme music and a picture of a certain famously dense former U.S. president), and there is nothing inherently wrong with another film being made. There was room to move and all, but was it necessary? No.

Look, it’s not altogether bad (I’ve seen several episodes of the show that are much worse, including the aforementioned Men in Black episode), but it’s not appropriate for an “X-Files” film, and aside from the psychic angle, there’s not a damn sci-fi aspect to the whole film. And boy, I bet the conspiracy-loving “X-Files” fans hate this film, there’s absolutely nothing for them to latch onto here. The truth may be out there, but if this is the truth, I’m happy to live in ‘controlled demolition’ delusion with Charlie Sheen and co (What’s that, has left-wing, conspiracy nut Ryan suddenly gone all “Fox News”? Um, no. I simply have a working brain).

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: DVD