floatingcity's Full Review: Y Kant Tori Read by Y Kant Tori Read
The first album to feature the prodigious talents of 90s singer-songwriter supreme Tori Amos, Y Kant Tori Read has an almost cultish following. After its initial commercial and critical bomb in 1988, most of the remaining copies were snapped up when Tori broke through with “Little Earthquakes”. Aside from occasionally performing “Cool On Your Island” and “Etienne” in concert, Tori has distanced herself from the project, and its songs were ignored on both her “Tales of A Librarian” and “A Piano: The Collection” retrospectives. Amidst numerous rumours about the long-out-of-print record, bootleg copies regularly trade hands for exorbitant prices, and historical reports on its quality are rarely favourable.
One of the most persistent myths about this record is that it is ‘pop-metal’ or hard rock; it’s actually neither, consisting of heavily-produced synth-pop songs that sound a lot like typical 80s commercial radio fare. Although actual musicians are credited for the guitars, bass and drums, the majority of the songs sound fairly synthetic and processed – drumbeats hit like explosions, watery keyboards dominate and the guitars pop up rarely for solos (electric on the upbeat songs; acoustic on the ballads). Tori herself doesn’t fare much better; her singing strives to convince that she’s a ‘rawk chick’, and she gasps, sighs and occasionally snarls melodramatically in a manner that screams ‘forced self-confidence’. Likewise, her usually phenomenal piano-playing is only evidenced on two of the tracks, coincidentally, those two are the album’s best (“Fire On The Side” “Etienne Trilogy”).
Lyrically, the album does demonstrate a few of Tori’s quirks, and there is the odd poetic line. For example, piano-ballad “Fire On The Side” explores adultery from the point of view of the ‘other woman’, and there’s some nice word play that hints at future sophistication: “How can the music play/When the only band is made of gold/Wrapped around your hand/That I used to hold”. “Floating City” discusses aliens: “TV turns off any of us that say we’ve seen you/Tell me, are we the only planet that can’t conceive you?”, while “Etienne” is an oddly prophetic closer with its references to witches, knights and the line “Maybe by the morning, I’ll remember who I am”. However, the rest of the songs slop around in generic, meaningless boy/girl love issues, the type of thing Britney and Christina sing about: “If you don’t treat me better/Baby I’ll just run away” “I’m a lush for your love/You go to my head”, you know the teen-pop drill.
Having gone through the generals of production, instrumentation, singing and lyrics, I’ll do a brief track-by-track summary to provide a taste of each song:
“The Big Picture”: A pretty standard synth-pop type of song, it actually has a fairly catchy chorus and a memorable set of vocal interplay in its middle section, but is heavily bogged down by tons of unnecessary synthesiser embellishments and a few cheesy guitar flourishes. The ‘gotta make more money, gotta get there faster than the rest’ lyrics are typical eighties yuppie fare; it’s mostly unimpressive, cheesy and forgettable.
“Cool On Your Island” is a little slower and more thoughtful, with a bit more compositional complexity. There’s a more relaxed chugging beat and Tori does an okay vocal performance as she lectures her negligent lover. It’s all fairly pleasant until a completely dumb Caribbean midsection comes in, all steel drums and reggae-inflected baseline, completely ruining the mood. Not too bad though, a tiny bit of Tori’s talent is visible.
“Fayth”, on the other hand, is hilariously bad. It’s typical geeky eighties pop in the vein of Paula Abdul, with Tori rapping(!) the verses. Her vocals are incredibly funny, especially her strangulated “Heeeeyyyyy” in the first verse which tries to be sexy but falls flat. And it gets even worse in the second one: “How can you keep the romance there/When a little French maid lives downstairs (insert Tori purring and yapping noises)”. The chorus is weak; the main hook just comes from dragging out the song’s title: “Give me Faaaayyyyyyth”. A mess.
As mentioned before, “Fire On The Side” is a good piano ballad. Strip away a few of the eighties production excesses, and it would fit easily on “Little Earthquakes”.
After that moment of hope “Pirates” drops us back to hell, it’s a straightforward dumb lyrics, dumb music fare in the Euro-synth-pop style that hyperactive five year olds would love. “There is a light that shines on the frontier/Pirates, yeahhh!!!”
“Floating City” has an interesting marimba line dominating and the previously mentioned kooky aliens lyrics, and there’s a moderately catchy chorus that builds and layers as the song goes on. However, bad eighties production rules again: clichéd keyboard patterns, heavy pounding drumbeats and squidgy synth bass. That marimba line is cool though; I imagine a version done on piano or harpsichord could sound really interesting.
“Heart Attack At 23” opens promisingly with Tori and piano doing an almost impromptu ‘late night barroom ‘ vibe, but then the main ‘rawk’ body starts, and it goes down the pan. It’s very much like Pat Benatar – with colossal heavy-handed production, and histrionic metal guitar solos that crush an otherwise catchy melody. Needless to say, Tori sounds way out of her element here.
“On The Boundary”: Back to the ballads, and this one is actually okay. It still has those eighties trappings I mentioned before, but Tori sounds pretty forceful and angsty, and there are some cool plucked string effects that make up for the obligatory acoustic guitar middle eight. The chorus is catchy, but it’s very repetitive: “On the boundary/On the boundary baby/On the boundary, don’t you need my love”.
“You Go To My Head” is just another silly eighties pop song, that sounds like Madonna rejected it from “True Blue”. Bad vocals, bad hooks, no catchiness. Another disposable track.
“Etienne Trilogy” is actually a great closer. It begins with a 90-second or so long instrumental synth and drum intro that while a little predictable, makes it feel like you’re flying over misty moors, watching the sun start to rise. The bulk of the track is taken up by “Etienne”, a gorgeous, memorable Tori + piano track that would have gone great on “Little Earthquakes”. The minute long bagpipe solo that rounds things off is a bit silly, but it can’t demolish the strength of the first two parts.
Overall, Y Kant Tori Read is not as awful as legend would make it out to be; it’s simply a fairly shallow and corporate eighties mainstream pop album, albeit one with a few nice touches courtesy of Tori’s classical training. It would be nice for Tori to make some of it available in the future: it may be silly and overdone, but it’s hardly the only weak eighties pop collection. A must for Tori Amos completists, but not worth the large amount of money you may end up paying for it.
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