"Masked and Anonymous", the new movie starring Bob Dylan and a stellar cast including Ed Harris, Jeff Bridges, Angela Bassett, Jessica Lange, John Goodman and Val Kilmer ( I wondered where he'd gotten to ), has received some pretty mixed reviews thus far. Some have called it an incomprehensible and self indulgent mess, others have praised it as an ambitious parable on the collapse of civilization and the power of modern myths. Dylan himself wrote the script, and not having seen it yet, I'd assume he has put a fair bit of effort into his latest artistic project, and I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Many might be wary of the fact that Dylan has rarely, if ever, been seen on the big screen, but the great man has actually ventured into the celluloid world a few times before. In the early seventies, he did a decent job of playing the enigmatic Alias in Sam Peckinpah's "Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid". In 1978, he made the little-seen "Renaldo and Clara" while on the famous Rolling Thunder tour. And in 1987, he appeared in "Hearts Of Fire" as - wait for it - "reclusive rock legend" Billy Parker. So, you may ask yourself, why have I never seen, or heard of, this movie? The answer is fairly simple. It's crap.

The movie was directed by Emmy - award winning director Richard Marquand, who had previously directed "Jagged Edge" and "Return of the Jedi", and this turned out to be his final film, as he died a couple of weeks before the premiere in London. Quite why he chose to film such a poor script will remain as much of a mystery as why Dylan decided to act in it, as it's an uninspired, cliched and extremely dated mess. It was mauled by critics on its release, lasted three weeks on general release in the UK, and was never released theatrically in the US at all, as the film's financiers, Lorimar Pictures, wisely decided to cut their losses. Watching it now, 16 years on, it's not hard to see why.

The story centre around Molly McGuire ( Fiona Flanagan ), a toll-booth operator in a backwater Pensylvannia town who plays in a bar band by night and harbours dreams of rock stardom. One night, the legendary and now retired Billy Parker ( Dylan ) turns up at a gig, and joins them on stage. Parker is a disillusioned ex-rocker who, jaded by the machinations of the rock business, threw in his hand at the height of his fame to live on his farm and raise chickens. Taking more than a professional interest in McGuire, he asks her to accompany him to England, where he will be playing in an "oldies show, sort of like a freak thing in a carnival".

They head to England, where McGuire also attracts the attention of contemporary synth-pop sensation James Colt ( Rupert Everett, sporting perhaps the most horrific eighties mullet haircut ever seen in a mainstream movie, the like of which Michael Bolton could only dream of ). As McGuire's star begins to rise, she find herself torn between Parker and Colt, and quickly learns some harsh lessons about the reality of the music business and the price of fame. Amazingly. Not that this is predictable or anything.

Actually, in case you couldn't tell, I'm being a tad sarcastic, as this is about as predictable as every rock 'n roll movie ever made, with the exception of "This is Spinal Tap". They all follow the same basic premise, from "Almost Famous" to "Rock Star" - Ambitious young rock fans discover it's not all it's cracked up to be, be careful what you wish for etc ad nauseum. The difference with this film is that it lacks any of the charming wit of "Almost Famous", being solemnly po-faced and humourless, and bereft of any tension or style. The story proceeds turgidly and with appalling predictability, and the characters, with the exception of Dylan's curmudgeonly Parker, are all thoroughly unsympathetic and unlikeable buffoons, and I'm sure this wasn't intentional.

Molly McGuire is presumably meant to be the character the audience is rooting for, hoping she makes it to the big time and fulfilling her dreams, but she comes across as churlish and so irritatingly naive that you can't help but hope that she is electrocuted by a live microphone. It's probably not Fiona Flanagan's fault - The character is given appalling dialogue to speak and is credited with little intelligence, and is merely called upon to pout and scowl, which the writers must have assumed would make her ballsy and fiesty. Needless to say, it doesn't work.

Rupert Everett is stupendously bad as the unconvincingly named James Colt ( why not James Stallion or James Thrust? ). He broods, throws laughable studio tantrums, and comes across all sensitive, tortured and immensely boring. He also gets to wear some hilariously crap clothes, and is unfortunately acted off the screen by his mullet's hairsprayed, gravity-defying performance. Exactly how this man is supposed to be some kind of teenage heart-throb is never explained. His charisma is non-existent, and you may well find yourself cheering when Dylan thumps him.

It also must be said that the music featured here which is not played by Dylan is some of the most painfully dated, ultra-eighties guff you'll have the misfortune to hear, all electric keyboards, thwacking drum machines, and synthesized brass sections. It is uniformly rotten throughout, not helped by the fact that Everett can't sing, and that Flanagan has to perform some dreadful Bonnie Tyler-style power ballads. The film makers really made a huge mistake in going for such an of-the-era sound, and ensured that anyone watching it even 5 years later would have found the whole thing quaintly dated.

So, you may well ask, does this have anything to recommend it? Well, yes it does, but not enough to save it from being a turkey. Dylan himself is actually quite good in his role, and is likeably cynical and gruff as the grizzled ex-rocker, although quite how much of a stretch it was for him to play a disillusioned, reclusive rock legend in 1987 is open to debate. Nevertheless, he has a strangely watchable quality, and you'll probably fast forward any scenes that he isn't in. He also contributes the only decent music of any note in the movie, one being a belting cover of the John Hiatt song "The Usual", and the other being a charming little number called "A Couple More Years", which he serenades Flanagan with on an acoustic guitar, in a barn at the film's climax. There are also some amusing cameos from Ian Dury and Richie Havens as Dylan's old music chums, and from Ronnie Wood and Mick Fleetwood, who show up to audition for Dylan's band, and are hired even though "they suck".

This really is only worth seeing if you are a Bob Dylan fan and want to see your idol appearing in a rubbish film on his days off from writing rock classics. It has moments where you get the impression that there was a germ of a good idea for a movie here, but the whole thing is so badly mishandled and scripted that you only end up wondering how that idea ended up as this hollow mess. On the other hand, it has some so-bad-it's-good moments, and Dylan at least acquits himself well with his performance and musical moments, so if this happens to appear on your TV station one night or you see the video to rent somewhere, give it a go and feast on a turkey.



Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Better than Watching TV
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children up Ages 8