So far in my survey of writing articles reviewing the ton of movies I was blessed enough to enjoy at last December’s Butt-Numb-A-Thon, a 25-hour-ish cinematic fest at the famed Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, I have cited the sublime (see below for links to my writings on “King Kong” and “V for Vendetta,”) and the sublimely ridiculous (see below for links to my writing on the film “Drum.”) — so it’s time for review #4 of a planned dozen-or-more BNAT flicks, this time about a movie that is just... completely... ridiculous.

Stunt Rock is a Dutch/Australian masterpiece (brrring... brrring... yes, that's the sarcasm phone ringing) that has presented me with a conundrum not experienced with any other movie I have reviewed in the past few years. Sure, I wrote a number of thrown-together short reviews in the early days of Epinions when money rained from the ceiling , but if you are an “old guard” here — especially one that the movie reviewer big wigs here seem to nicely give kudos and V.H.s – then you really shouldn’t post a review shorter than 800 words.

My conundrum — I am not sure 800 words of stuff HAPPENS in this silly garbage. But I will try my best...











The whole premise of this film is so ridiculously silly and goofball that for MONTHS, if not YEARS, Alamo Drafthouse has whipped moviegoers in a frenzy just showing the silly-a$$ TRAILER to this film — so needless to say, when at about 5 A. M. in the morning — our next stop on the Butt-Numb-A-Thon journey was revealed (we do not know what the movies are beforehand at this festival) to be a COMPLETE viewing of ALL of Stunt Rock, all the loyal Alamo folk cheered madly.

We got over it quickly. We saw the whole movie in the trailer. So at the risk of having to say “I can’t make this up people” a number of times — here is what happens in Stunt Rock:

Grant Page is a busy , cheerful Australian stuntman, who was revealed later to still be working in the field — and considering this movie is from 1978 — that’s quite an achievement for someone who is definitely not “young” anymore. Well, he does a lot of stunts. And they are filmed in that glorious grainy and always orange-y 1970’s cinematic haze that makes you feel you are in the middle of nowhere in the 1970’s trying to get NBC to come in clearly by manipulating the rabbit ears on the TV. Grant starts out being hospitalized, but he thinks he’s all healed. So he breaks out of the hospital to go with a very hot blonde lady in a fast red sports car — and of course he breaks out by “stunt-ingly” climbing down a multi-story drainpipe in his hospital gown which at any moment seems to be on the verge of revealing his... um... attributes. He does this so he can get to another movie stunt job where he is either jumping off a cliff , rappelling down a cliff into the water, or jumping off a building — apologies that it all starts to run together, you will see why in a few sentences. He argues with the movie folk, everyone oohs and aahs that after getting dressed he pulls the stunt off well, and then everyone cheers. And then this scene is repeated, minus the hospital escape for a whole hunk of time.

Concurrently to all of this (I told you I can’t make this up) there is this BEYOND cheesy pre-hair-camp-hard-rock band called “Sorcery” that somehow are buddies with Grant. And they aren’t pretending. They are a REAL BAND. (See, they are the ROCK part of the movie and the title and Grant and his job are the STUNT part — this is as inventive as this dumb movie gets, folks). This is the first horror; this band is so, so, so AWFUL and so like something out of central casting for “cheesy stupid band” that since Grant’s stunt work in this movie IS INDEED impressive and “real,” you are committed to thinking — please, there is NO WAY this band isn’t a created-for-the-movie joke — they make the Spinal Tap band seem like Led Zeppelin. But not only are these cheeseballs REAL, the whole movie itself was also even released under just the name “Sorcery” in some venues! They have hideous hair that has been poorly dyed so many times you can’t tell where the blond/white/dark roots end or begin. (Provoking me — purveyor of an also voluminous mane which I spend a lot of money on to make the dye job NOT look horrible stemming from going very grey at 19 — to tell my BNAT compadres: “Please, if my dye job EVER looks that horrible from the stage, or if I were to stop using conditioner as long as these folks did, PLEASE tell me to just shave my head.”) And part of their ACT, per their name, is that one of them dresses up like Merlin and does REALLY cheesy can-see-the strings-a-mile-away magic tricks accompanied by 2 dollar flash paper lighting effects than an 8-year old could reproduce. (This is another “I cant make this up” part).

What STORY there is in this silly-fest is that Grant the stuntman is somehow buddies with Sorcery. (I THINK it’s that one of their roadies or posse is Grant’s cousin... or something... again pardon me if the subtleties got lost on me as I was praying for this movie to just END). There is a minor subplot about Sorcery doing a fund raising concert for something — I don’t think it’s made clear what and no one seemed to care — perhaps it’s some sort of fund to beg Australian filmmakers to never waste celluloid on this crap again... And well... THAT’S IT. The entire 86 minutes (and never, except under painful dentistry or medical treatment will you ever find 86 minutes seem QUITE SO ENDLESS) consists of this stuff over and over... and OVER. Grant does a stunt. Everyone cheers. If any of the Sorcery fellers are around they say “Wow Mate... What an amazing stunt!” Then some never-seen-again hot braless ladies cheer and hug and jump as well. (This movie really makes an episode of The Man Show look like Masterpiece Theater). Then Sorcery either in studio or at a concert plays an atrocious song. Grant and more of those women say “Wow, Mate... What rockin’ music!! You guys Rock!!” Then the fake Merlin makes logical scripting or decent acting disappear. Wait, I made that one up. The fake Merlin during/after the song will throw some flash paper which we pray doesn’t burn his rubber cone hat with construction paper stars on it... And everyone oohs and aaahs like it’s an effect from Industrial Light and Magic.

Repeat.

Then repeat again.
For 86 minutes!!

This is NOT really a movie, it’s a very, very long horrible music video with intermittent intermezzos of grandly impressive stunt video. For what its worth, this movie isn’t offensive or anything, it’s just BEYOND dumb and indeed, the stunt sequences again are staggeringly impressive with a lot of cool helicopter shots to emphasize the extremeness of some of the heights of the stunts and such. But Sorcery’s hideous songs and worse hair and unspeakable acting (they are playing themselves!! How can you be such a bad actor NOT acting??) make Grant look like Olivier and the whole thing just isn’t a camp fest — it’s a crap fest.

Now, if you see this in a situation like I saw this in, then yes, such stupidity definitely has a fun cheese factor, but could I in good conscience recommend ANYONE to spend even a NICKEL renting or buying this stupidity? No. I just cant. I don’t care if you DO like Sorcery (evidently their music is still searchable and buyable online — ::Shudder::) and think stunts are cool — there is just no way I can tell someone to offer one red cent to see this refuse.

But I will tell you this: the trailer is a hoot. And it basically GIVES you the whole movie.. See if in the circulating underground of obscure garbagey movie trailers you can find THAT — then that might something worth having just for it’s camp/obscure value. Otherwise, Stunt Rock is 86 minutes of what really is shown in about 4. There ARE good silly music video camp movies in the D-movie pantheon on Netflix or Blockbuster or wherever. Get one of those, Mate... this movie definitely does NOT rock. But if you need to go see it to see whether you agree with me-- don't say I didn't warn you-- at the end of your days on earth DO NOT come crying to me saying you want those 86 minutes of your life back — I will just say I told you so. :)


review of King Kong

http://www.epinions.com/content_213987790468

review of Drum

http://www.epinions.com/content_213991460484


review of V for Vendetta

http://www.epinions.com/content_223448239748


Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age