This movie stars the ultra B-movie actor, Joe Estevez, Martine Sheen's brother. Martin Sheen has more films than anyone in the market, Charlie Sheen has the hottest of the hot for a wife in Denise Richards (for a while at least), and Emilo Estevez has Mighty Ducks! So you gotta feel sorry for Joe, especially since the filmmakers responsible for Joe's other vehicle Werewolf didn’t even give the poor man a leading role. Poor guy was upstaged by people who couldn’t even speak english in an english-speaking movie. So, I’m glad that he got the role as a soultaker.
In Soultaker we have a colorful cast of characters. We have an oily, ultra 㥘s, but likeable guy, whose name escapes me. We have his Kevin Bacon-in-drag girlfriend Natalie, whose too good for the oily guy because, as the oily guy’s friend (whose long hair in the back totally distracts you that he’s balding in front) she’s a “rich ****”. There’s also chubby guy with a mullet, but he’s not that important. In this film, heaven is nothing more than losers from our own life, who hover above hospitals and wait for people to die. When they die, their souls are absorbed into “funny gag condoms” as Mike on MST3K would say.
The colorful characters I mentioned above are all killed in a car wreck, because the balding/long haired guy drives totally out of control, but nobody stops him, because he threatens them with “make me.” If Clint Eastwood played the part, it would have perhaps come off as convincing, but the balding/long-haired guy....Brad, that’s his name, makes it less tough, and more disturbing and out of place, quite like the “Go ahead on” line that plagues the film Final Justice. And so they all die, but their souls (complete with skin, clothes, eyes....blood...hair...hell what is a soul anyway). Well anyway their souls have to run from Joe Estevez. But Joe gets horny when he sees Natalie, so he decides to disobey his orders from his master with a misshaped face, and instead of collecting all the souls, he decides to collect everyone’s soul- except Natalie. Natalie and the oily Guy end up being the only ones left, and they go to Natalie’s house to hide from Joe Estevez, unaware that the mullet guy died.
Joe Estevez ends up taking the form of Natalie’s mother, and peeps on Natalie as she is taking a bath. Quite an art scene it is indeed, giving the rubber ducky skit by Bert looking at Ernie in the bath tub a darker look, much like the juxtaposition of Gene Kelly to Malcolm McDowell. Natalie and the oily guy then realize that they are in fact souls, and their bodies will be disconnected by life support by midnight. So they race to the hospital, where plenty of running takes place. Soon, we learn that Brad has become a soultaker, and we also learn that Led Zepplin was wrong and that there is, in fact, no stairway to heaven!
Does this mean we CAN stop the rock? Is there any joy in Beethoven’s Ninth? Who did let the dogs out? Did Ozzy really see Satan laughing as he spread his wings? I will do anything for love, but what is “that”? (hardy har, har) Only Brad knows. Brad gives the oily guy a funny gag condom, Joe Estevez burns in hell, and Natalie and the oily guy “get a second chance.” To hell with the poor mullet guy though!
This is an incredibly bad an laughable film that somehow won some awards. Everything about it is awful. Avoid this film, unless you like cheesy movies and don't mind giving a few hours of your limited life to viewing something so bad (like myself).
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