Why has this movie been on my list of "must see" for over a year? It played for two solid weeks at my favorite theater (a place that usually only runs films for four days at a time) just so they could pay the broadcasting fees. Wow, it must be good.

I think "Wow, it must be good" may actually be a line of dialogue from _A Simple Plan_, I can't be certain because about twenty minutes in I became utterly fascinated with a hangnail.

It started off well enough. A critically acclaimed novel for the story, a director whose worked on Xena: Warrior Princess and starred in THE STAND!, BILLY BOB!, and hell even Bridget Fonda earns her keep in Hollywood. Where did my love go wrong?



The character development:

The movie is about two hours long but the story spends approximately ten seconds before plunging into the heart of the heart of the plot which is this: three blithering idiots have found a big pile of money. What to do! I am sorry my head was still spinning from trying to figure out who the characters were and why they were hanging out (huntin' foxes) when they clearly don't like one another.

A better director/writer team would have used this oversight as an opportunity to flesh out these personalities in a time of crisis but instead what we get ill-conceived conversations and schemes, inconsequential relationships and violence in spurts so random they're too laughable to be tragic. BILLY BOB YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL!



THE ACTING
Bill Paxton, your name may sound similar to "Bill Pullman" but I HATE YOU! From the first "big" scene his I'm-so-clean-cut-I-wonder-If-I'll-Be-Corrupted-By-The-End-Of-This-Terrible-Movie routine is so painfully obvious my cat had to leave the room. It's really too bad the film's only break was getting BBT aboard because his brilliance merely draws more attention to how sorry everything else is about this movie. By the time we get to scene where we learn BBT lost his inheritance so Bill Paxton could go to college I AM STILL NOT DRUNK ENOUGH TO CARE! I wasn't sure if the shoulder nuzzle was taking us towards an incest plot twist or what!

THE STORY
It started off well enough and it could have really gone somewhere with the relationships between the men and their partners (how is BBT's dog handling this?). But like every mainstream male director these days all we get is masturbatory violence and embarrassing attempts at one-liners.


THE DIALOGUE
"That is so weird" and more! Can be found at:
http://us.imdb.com/Quotes?0120324


THE DIRECTING
I thought they were telling kids on the first week of film school that using birds (especially ravens, you fool!) for metaphors was too trite for even the most blase audience to bear.


THE HYPE
Are you all daft?



THE POSITIVE...
Ok, the scene where the wife gets shot was so rad I almost busted a gut. REWIND! Sometimes I get really excited when I see otherwise totally mediocre directors doing something interesting with violence, but then I realize... they are probably just psychotic.

GOODNIGHT!

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Better than Watching TV
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children up Ages 8