I finally watched 'She's all that' today. After relentlessly mocking the very idea of it, I thought it was time I saw it. I was hoping I'd hate it, and I'm pleased to announce that I do!

There were, granted, some worrying moments at the beginning with some neat cinematography and quite a cool soundtrack. However, the feeling passed and I settled easily into loathing it.

'She's all that' is the epitome of its kind. It has the geek-turns-prom-queen plot, with plenty of stock scenes and a storyline that bangs you over the head rather than subtly suggesting anything. It's the old boy-bets-he-can-make-girl-prom-queen-and-does plot. Well, kinda.

Zach is Mr. Popular -- he's handsome, clever, stylish and for some reason dating a shallow b**** called Taylor. Taylor dumps him for the vulgar self-absorbed star of a reality TV show and he bets his nearly-as-cute best friend that he can turn any girl into a prom queen. Well voila -- NearlyAsCute picks Laney Boggs, a rather bohemian artist figure. Laney is obsessed with human rights and art, wears huge glasses and, naturally, has no strong mother figure as her mother died a few years before. Our hearts bleed for her. Mr. Popular takes up the bet and starts to stalk Miss Bohemian, thus understandably annoying her. Miss Bohemian's Fat Supportive Best Friend embraces his role by encouraging Mr. Popular's escapades. Such lines as "The best looking guy in school is stalking you! Don't run from this opportunity" (paraphrase) fly. Miss Bohemian's younger brother fulfills his role by being wholesome and nice.

Lots and lots of stock script follows.

There's the scene where Mr. Popular puts in a token effort to engage with Laney's interests. There's the scene where the geeky art girl takes off her dungarees and is seen looking normal in a swimsuit, then has nice normal fun with all Mr. P's friends. There's the scene where she gets a makeover and we get a feet upward moving shot of her body while the music swells. There's the scene where the popular girl insults her in front of everyone.

Now there's a rub. Well, more than usual. Zach takes Laney to a party held by Preston, Black Best Friend of Zach (it's an interesting thing that there are lots of black cast members but none of them are particularly important to the plot -- it's rather like the filmmakers were saying, "They're interesting but we have no idea what those strange black people do"). Zach then, jerklike, ignores Laney for a bit, only for her to be pounced upon by his ex, the aforementioned Taylor, whose character just gets more improbably awful by the minute. The party, for no reason whatsoever, goes silent as Taylor insults our heroine. Zach watches the entire thing, but has absolutely no urge to butt in and shut her up. He then goes to 'comfort' Laney as she cries in the car park. He acts all nice and sincere, tells her that she has to take the good with the bad, and takes her home.

Laney carries on wearing her hippie outfits (I really liked her wardrobe for this film -- if she were my size I'd happily have borrowed things from her. Personally I thought she looked great). She does decide to wear contact lenses. Even though she said that she hated the thought of contacts at the first date with Zach. Some guys bully her nice and wholesome younger brother and Zach comes in and saves the day. Later, he admires her art for a bit. She does some engaging with her inner-self and they have a rather shallow bonding scene where they talk about such deep topics as Laney being a private person and Zach not being able to choose his college (this is later followed by a very short scene with his father that looked at the start like it was going to be an interesting row and then was cut inexplicably short).

Then begins the Prom Queen campaign. Taylor is nasty; Miss Bohemian is quiet and dark. They have their photoshoots and all the geek societies come out in force for Laney. Some guys do a rap for her too, concluding that "She's all that."

So then Taylor is dumped by her reality TV show guy and Zach and NearlyAsCute have a fight because NearlyAsCute dared to question Zach's sex life. NearlyAsCute suddenly hates Zach and decides he's going to win over Laney. So he goes around telling her that Zach doesn't really like her and eventually, when Taylor comes begging Zach for a date at the Prom, we have the good old you-were-a-bet scene. It is like every other scene in the history of movie making where an innocent girl finds out she's been fooled. She is horrified, Taylor sneers, Zach splutters, and NearlyAsCute is smug.

Then follows the answer phone scene -- Zach calls Laney and speaks to her answerphone -- and a twist whereby NearlyAsCute comes to pick Laney up for the prom. He charms her, so they go. Zach goes to the prom with his little sister (who was useful earlier for the female psyche exploration and the makeover scene) and searches for Laney, only to be collared by Taylor. He then, instead of blowing her off and telling her that she is a shallow, self-obsessed b****, dances with her. Does this guy have no willpower?

Plodding moments occur -- Laney's art teacher tells her that she's "opened up" and much improved her art -- "don't let go of whatever has made you open up!" she says. Could she be less subtle? Then Fat Supportive Best Friend overhears NearlyAsCute in the men's room saying that he's going to sleep with Laney Boggs. Much amusing 'fat people get out of breath easily' moments to follow.

And finally it's time for the declaration of Prom King and Queen. Zach is king. No surprise there. Then we have the suspenseful moment of who is Queen. Are they going to go for geek or popular girl? In short, is bewildered Laney going to be elected Prom Queen, having won the hearts of the school with her integrity and creativity, or will Taylor have suckered them? As it turns out, the filmmakers opt for the good old mature, not everything is perfect option, and Taylor gets queen. After all, in real life, geeks never win popularity contests, do they? Even if they're up against the most horrible, self-obsessed person possible. Zach makes a speech he plagiarised from Laney. Taylor starts to make a speech telling everyone who voted for Laney that they're losers. Laney and NearlyAsCute leave for the hotel room -- then Fat Supportive Best Friend and Wise Younger Sister finally tell Zach that NearlyAsCute has been boasting that he'll sleep with Laney. Zach leaves and does a lot of not particularly heroic stuff to find her.

Then Laney gets in and discovers her wholesome brother and father bonding, and Zach standing in her living room. Why on earth wholesome brother and father let Zach in is completely beyond me. "You're the one who used my daughter for a bet! Oh right, your nearly-as-cute best friend wants to shag her. That makes you all right then."

In fact, NearlyAsCute's jerkiness apparently completely negates Zach's. Zach pours out a few romantic lines and she decides she loves him. She says she feels like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman "without the whole hooker thing". They kiss. Then we discover what Zach has to do since he lost the bet. Cut to graduation. Yup, he's naked. He holds a volleyball over his crotch, then throws it at Laney. Everyone laughs. We never saw that coming.

That, my friends, concludes this vomit-worthy cliché fest. It's really truly disturbing how the only way Zach's values come into question is by Laney not winning Prom Queen. At all other points, Laney's lack of success with popular people is put down to her own private character. There are no moments for Zach to conclude that Laney has an interesting life of her own, rather than forcing her to have fun his way. There is really no good explanation for NearlyAsCute's behaviour. There's just a stupid story about how a mildly dowdy looking girl starts to look more like everyone else, and very little that questions Zach's own motivations. She's just expected to forgive him, because as long as he likes her it's all right for him to cavort with Taylor and to allow her to bully and humiliate Laney.

This is truly one of the most awful films I've ever seen. It's a film that wishes it were '10 things I hate about you' -- it would even settle for being 'The Great Mom Swap', if only to relieve it from the shame of being 'She's all that'. Even 'The Breakfast Club' contains elements found in 'She's all that' -- but all these other films dare to do what this egregious film does not, and grant their characters with humanity. Definitely one to miss.

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age