There are some movies that are so bad even nifty CGI dragons won't save them. This, sadly, is one. I'll attempt to avoid blatant spoilers, but honestly it doesn't really matter. To quote the Self-Made Critic (http://www.brunching.com/selfmade), "any thirteen year-old geek could have written something more exciting by playing the game and writing down what happened!"
Things are foreshadowed as heavily as a plummeting grand piano, and then never happen. The 'plot twists' left me yawning. Never have I heard such wretched dialogue. I've blocked it from my memory, so can't quote exactly; count yourselves fortunate. The characters are stereotypes of stereotypes. The ending attempts to be mysterious and uplifting and fails utterly.
We've got an evil mage (you know he's Evil because he kills a dragon in the first scene of the movie). His single expression is maniacal rage. I'm not quite sure how Jeremy Irons managed to be this bad; I'll take a guess and blame the director.
There's the evil mage's sidekick, Damodar (who's Evil because he's bald and ugly).
We've got a young innocent Empress (you know she's Good because she wants all people to be free and equal). Her single expression is bewildered compassion. Poor Thora Birch did the best she could with her wretched dialogue, and again I blame the director, because she's done much better in the past.
And then there's the party of adventurers: Ridley (who's a thief, but we know is Good anyway because he's cute and sees dragons being born in his dreams). A mage girl, who casts one nifty spell early on and then does nothing for the rest of the movie (she's obviously Good because she's cute, even though she's a mage). Her one expression is astonishment. Snails, who is the most wretched stereotype of the stupid black sidekick that I've ever seen (but he's Good because he's funny and friends with Ridley). The ranger elf is very good at being Mysterious. The dwarf appears to be there solely to eat messily and make lewd remarks.
Redeeming points:
Um. Well, there was about 5 minutes of nifty cgi dragons, and various other nifty cgi landscapes. The Thieves' Maze was cool, I'll admit it; the movie would have been vastly improved if they'd just made that 5-minute segment the entire movie.
If you like heckling, or *really* like nifty CGI, then it's probably worth a matinee. Otherwise, save yourself the pain.
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