May 25th, 2001. A date which will live in infamy, moviegoers were suddenly and deliberately bombarded with boredom and half-witted dialogue by Disney, producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Michael Bay.

When I first heard that Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay were getting together to make Pearl Harbor I let out a moan of despair. I could just picture a film about a great tragedy having tons of special effects but nil in plot. A film which should be about American loss and heroism filled with dialogue worse than that found in your average B movie. I then took a deep breath and decided not to judge the film beforehand. Maybe this was actually going to be a thought provoking portrayal of the events on December 7th, 1941. No such luck.

Pearl Harbor is a bloated and often ridiculous film which lacks any inspiration or intelligence needed for a war film. It gives a good test to an audience’s patience for over two hours before finally getting to the Pearl Harbor attack. They are interested in making a Titanic wannabe and watch the money pile in. If they were serious about making a film about Pearl Harbor they would have released the film on December 7th, the sixtieth anniversary of the tragedy. Instead they chose to make a summer blockbuster which they hoped would have audiences salivating over the violent and extensive 40 minute recreation of the attack.

The screenplay for the film follows the oft used plot of two best friends struggling with love and war together. Rafe McCawley (Ben Affleck) and Danny Walker (Josh Hartnett) grew up together in Tennessee and they both have dreams of flying planes. When they enter the Army Air Corps they spend their days as hotshot pilots, playing chicken in the air, and their nights chasing women. Rafe finds his love match when he meets an Army nurse named Evelyn Johnson (Kate Beckinsale). The lovebirds meet while Evelyn is giving him a shot in the bum. Rafe is so smitten he tricks her into giving him another shot. She is so enamored by his cute butt that she gives him a third poke. Oh the crazy things lovers do to each other *sigh*.

Rafe soon volunteers for the English pilot squad and is anxious to go into battle. Because of circumstances Rafe does not come back and we all know what happens next. Predictably Danny and Evelyn decide they are right for each other. Once Rafe returns this love triangle heats up.

What does all of this have to do with Pearl Harbor? Well, absolutely nothing. Not much is said or done with Pearl Harbor until hour three. That is when the attack begins. We see the Japanese doing a surprise raid on Pearl Harbor and just like in real life, all hell breaks loose. Much of the films $150 million + budget is used here. We see the lives lost and the damage done but because of Bay’s fidgety directing style and the scripts lack of substance it does not evoke nearly as much emotion as it should. It is great to look at and fun to watch, but it comes off more like a special effects spectacle than human drama and devastation like the D-Day scene in Saving Private Ryan.

The good thing is that the attack diverts all attention from the hackneyed love triangle. Rafe and Danny soon find themselves being shipped off again. This time they are joining Jimmy Doolittle (Alec Baldwin) on a Tokyo raid after we had officially entered World War II. This last and final segment showcases more suspense but it is too little too late. The film has already drowned in its own romantic drivel. Saving Private Ryan made me leave the theater being overwhelmed with both patriotism and sorrow. Titanic made me leave feeling for the many who died on board of the fated ship. Harbor made me leave feeling cheated and wanting to know more about the single moment that sent this country into war and helped change the world forever. More history and less eye candy and shallow conversation.

Can’t say it is surprising that I feel jilted though. What more can we expect from producer Jerry Bruckheimer. He is the master of unintelligent cinema. The man is successful only because he created the formula that keeps guys coming back to see each of his films. I would not even say that Pearl Harbor totally ventures away from this formula. In fact, I noticed many parts of the film that were reminiscent of other Bruckheimer films. Most notable is Top Gun. I swear that there are certain scenes in Pearl Harbor that are lifted directly from Top Gun. There is even a goofy secondary character everyone calls Goose.

This unoriginal script says it is written by Randall Wallace, who also wrote Braveheart, but it comes across like something written by a love sick teenager. The film does have accuracy but since the film is not entirely about Pearl Harbor we do not get to learn much more about the incident. The whole thing is so obviously just thrown together in hopes of getting people in the theaters. Bring in the women with a love story and then men with a war story. Someone forgot to tell Wallace to make the love story good.

Not making things any better, Michael Bay directs like someone with attention deficit disorder. Bay is never able to concentrate on one person or scene for very long before quickly cutting to something else. His other films like The Rock and Armageddon also do this but at least those films were not dealing with American history. A bad movie seems even worse when it is supposed to be a historical drama.

The actors suffer from what is called bad line and emotionless face syndromes. The only actor watchable is Jon Voight in a very good turn as FDR. He’s given very little screen time though which is a crime since I was most captivated with the White House segments.

With a better script and more capable director this would have been a very good movie. God knows that a good historical film will always have a place in the world. With the great special effects technology of today we can not only better teach but show tomorrow’s generation what history was like. Let’s just hope that that next generation does not think the people involved in Pearl Harbor were really as boring as the actors portray them.

Recommended:
No

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older