Here's a statement I've never made before and probably never will again: This movie is worth seeing just for the special effects. They're honestly that impressive.

If you've ever played any of the more recent Final Fantasy games on your Playstation or PC, you're certainly familiar with the numerous 'cinema sequences'. These segments appear right after you destroy a 'level boss' or when you click the right doohickey. These scenes are also notable in that people never watch them after the first time ...if at all. A quick click on the START button allows the player to skip right to the action. So Hollywood logic dictates that these extraneous little snippets deserve their own feature length film, right? Be warned, though: Try as I might, I could find no START button anywhere in the theater.

I love action movies and sci-fi. I can also truly appreciate the amount of work and skill that goes into creating a movie like Final Fantasy. But more important than all that, I'm a huge fan of good storytelling, and despite a few solid glimmers of excitement, Final Fantasy is a film content with being all flash and very little substance.

I almost feel a bit guilty bashing Final Fantasy for its weak screenplay, considering how monumentally impressive this movie is in a visual sense. But just like a bike without wheels is a crooked pipe, a movie without a plot is a light show. There's only so long your eyeballs can remain set on "dazzled" while the rest of your body quietly slips into a coma.

The plot (which I followed successfully for about 37 minutes and yes I went to college) details the exploits of a tough-as-nails group of futuristic action hero save-the-universe people. (Stop me when this starts sounding familiar.) The soldiers come across a young woman named Aki, who is searching for the 8 thingy-things that may be able to destroy the evil Phantoms. Oh yeah, the Phantoms. They're these ultra-cool looking morphy inviso-creatures that suck human life forces out all glittery-like, leaving behind a predictably withered cadaver.

There's a whole lot more plot-like stuff, but not a whole lot in actual story stuff. (Get Artifact B and return it to Cylinder J!) Taller critics than myself have derided modern cinema for eschewing the importance of plot over style, so I'll just state my support for that stance. Plus I just used my weekly allowance of fancy words, so I'll just describe the script/story of Final Fantasy in one simple word: Blah.

All the flashy effects and oh-so-real-but-not-really CGI stuff shook me from a potential doze more than once, and a handful of these sequences truly are amazing to see. Despite my earlier nastiness, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that...yes...the evil Phantoms are really very cool. About every 20 minutes, Final Fantasy revs up a bit and offers enough entertainment to keep you intrigued. Just as quickly, though, these scenes end and we're forced to watch two CGI mannequin figures attempt to create a romantic sequence. Please.

Another factor that works against this film is its cast. It's not that any of the well-known actors doesn't pull their weight. It's that in this particular movie, having famous actors do the voices proves to be a massive distraction. Ming-Na Wen avoids this the best, mainly because nobody knows who she is. (She's the cute Asian lady from that old Jonathan Silverman sitcom.) Alec Baldwin is all macho posturing and gravelly voice in full-on hero mode. His performance here is better suited for a sci-fi spoof than a sincere movie. Ditto for Donald Sutherland, James Woods and especially Steve Buscemi. When these characters speak, you can visualize the actors talking into a microphone. That's a bad thing.

I find it truly amazing that a movie that can best be described as Battlefield Earth meets Titan AE could somehow earn a three-star rating. But it really is difficult to bash the revolutionary computer effects and the way they've been so seamlessly integrated into modern movies. Now if we could find a way to use CGI to simulate better screenplays, well then we'd have something.


Recommended:
Yes

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older