* * *

The guy is dead, and he's trying to get with my wife. And the house isn't really for sale. Yes, I'm upset.

* * *

Sometimes your expectations really change your view of a movie. Often, when a movie you were really looking forward too is not quite what you hoped, it seems much worse than it really is. The Haunted Mansion is just the opposite. Reviews and word of mouth had me expecting such a dog, that I was quite pleased when it proved a Pekinese rather than a Great Dane. But hey, maybe it's not as big but it's still a dog.

Based on the Haunted Mansion ride in France (I should have known!), which is more story specific than the other Haunted Mansions, this movie is Disney's most recent attempt to turn a theme park ride into a movie.

A workaholic real estate agent, Jim Evers (Eddie Murphy), his wife Sara (Marsha Thomason) and their two kids, Michael (Marc John Jefferies) and Megan (Aree Davis) make a twenty minute business stop at an old mansion on their vacation. When bad weather traps them there, haunting ensues.

While undoubtedly hoping to emulate the success of the brilliant, Pirates of the Caribbean, this movie is not a pearl of any color. Let's put it simply, there is no comparison between the brilliant and unpredictable Johnny Depp, and the once-talented, has been, Eddie Murphy, whose career is, unfortunately, not quite dead. His performance was reduced to a lame I'm-a-bug-eyed-black-person shtick that would not have won him a role on SNL. The fact that his is the only name before the movie title was a bad omen. In fact, he has negotiated his star power to the point where he hogs the movie, leaving precious little time and dialogue for others to work with. This is a pity, because the rest of the cast were competent, and given a decent lead and a bit of a script, they might have made a movie.

Let me put Murphy's performance in perspective: it was so not-funny and so not-acting that he should have given back his undoubtedly huge salary out of embarrassment. Heck. Out of common decency, he should have paid for the whole shebang out of his own pocket, and let Disney off the hook. The fact that this mess actually managed to make money at the box-office, just proves P.T. Barnum right.

Mind, the movie was not all bad. Murphy, though never good, managed to be less irritating as the movie progressed. The plot was plausible enough as horror movies go. The set, special effects and make up were excellent - almost good enough to save the movie. Jennifer Tilly had the lion share of the funny lines, managing to shine in a spirited minor role despite the lack of her most significant parts. And then there was the pleasure of seeing your favorite haunts from the ride brought to life.

You have to feel sorry for the director. He was stuck with the huge ego of an unfunny megastar. Also, Disney wanted family entertainment, and it is hard to make a horror movie without being scary. However, making a comedy that wasn't funny was, I think, entirely accidental and for that Rob Minkoff should shoulder some of the blame.

By all means see this movie if you have nothing else to do, and you don't have to pay for it. If you can spend the first twenty minutes in the kitchen making nachos and margaritas, all the better. You can easily fill in the plot later, and you will miss Murphy at his most annoying.

* * *

Rating: While arguably a kid movie, at least at the plot and gag level, this movie has genuinely scary monsters. This would have scared the heck out of me as a child.

* * *

The Haunted Mansion (2003)

Directed by Rob Minkoff
Written by David Berenbaum

Cast:
Eddie Murphy .... Jim Evers
Terence Stamp .... Ramsley
Nathaniel Parker .... Master Gracey
Marsha Thomason .... Sara Evers
Jennifer Tilly .... Madame Leota
Wallace Shawn .... Ezra
Dina Spybey .... Emma (as Dina Waters)
Marc John Jefferies .... Michael
Aree Davis .... Megan

* * *

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Better than Watching TV
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 9 - 12