Due to the fact nearly everyone else loves this film (I've got no idea why either) and I appear to getting a lot of flak for giving it the one-star thrashing I feel it truly deserves, I've decided to enter it in carl_lazarevic'sI'm Sorry, But You're Just Plain Wrong W/O which has been going for quite some time now. However, it would appear to be open-ended so get on in there. Oh, and, yes, I'm still trying to track down a copy of that CD
DISCLAIMER: The following scene and conversation is fictional. I made it up. It never happened
~The scene: Sam Raimi, Spider-Man II director and Alvin Sargent are in a Raimi’s office. It’s a week after the original Spider-man closed at the box office~
Raimi: Sargent, I need you to get to work on a script for a sequel.
Sargent:(Not really keen on the idea) Why? Shouldn’t we quit while we’re ahead? Let’s face it Sam, sequels are never as good as the original.
Raimi: Even people who haven’t read the comic books know the story of Spiderman. He’s got a lot of enemies. If we take another one, comic-book geeks while come in their droves to see it. We’ll make millions.
Sargent:(Starts to warm to the idea) So which enemy should we use?
Raimi: Doc Ock. We can use another science-experiment gone wrong story to create him. Besides that, before he was Doc Ock, Otto Octavius was actually a pretty nice guy. We can play the old “nice-guy-goes-wrong-via-tragic-accident” card. It’s the…
Sargent: … oldest trick in the book. We’re going to do it via science experiment again? Are you also going to have a split-personality type thing like in the last one – you know how Green Goblin controlled Osborn, are the arms going to control Octavius?
Raimi: Brilliant! I love it!
Sargent: I was being sarcastic. I was thinking maybe variation is a good thing. I suppose next you’re going to tell me J. Jonah Jameson will supply the name “Doc Ock”.
Raimi: Sure, why not? You didn’t think there was going to be originality in this did you? It is a sequel after all. Now, we need to put Parker through a lot of emotion again.
Sargent: But Tobey Maguire wasn’t any good at that last time, do you think he’s going to be better this time?
Raimi: Don’t worry about that. I doubt it though. I was thinking we should follow a similar formula to the original, so we’ll have Parker and Octavius as friends before he becomes Doc Ock.
Sargent: I guess that means having Harry introduce them.
Raimi: Damn right. Speaking of Harry, he should have a lot more to do this time. Revenge against Spider-Man should suffice.
Sargent: Well that’ll be fairly easy to write – we left it wide open at the end of the last one.
Raimi: But that’s not all. Harry should work together with Doc Ock. Now, we need a line somewhere.
Sargent: A line?
Raimi: Remember how we had Uncle Ben Parker say “With great power comes great responsibility”? We need another motivational sort of line in here – and the power/responsibility one should come back.
Sargent: I’m with you now. If Parker’s going through emotional stuff, how about Aunt May saying “I believe there’s a hero in all of us”, and we’ll have her say it in such a strange way it’ll sound like she’s singing it.
Raimi: That’ll make it stick out so much from the rest of the conversation. It’ll be memorable – the kind of line that sticks with people forever, despite the fact it’s so trite. Speaking of memorable, we need to have a classic song in the film somewhere, and it needs to be in the kind of sequence people will always associate the song with the film and vice versa.
Sargent: “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head”?
Raimi: Perfect. While we’re on the subject of trite, bring back the love story.
Sargent: But Parker rejected MJ.
Raimi: He still loves her though, and he always will. She loves him too. They both know it, so we’ll use the whole “I love you but I can’t put you in danger” scenario.
Sargent: You’re really using the book of old tricks for this whole movie, aren’t you?
Raimi: It’s a successful formula.
Sargent: What about actors? The same people from the original?
Raimi: It’s in their contracts. Besides, Kirsten Dunst makes a great MJ Watson. She’s got the kind of looks where she’s hot in posters and such, but when you look at her for two hours on end you just don’t see it. She can’t really act, so having her as a Broadway actress and someone cuing her line would be funny.
Sargent: Sounds lame to me. Maguire as Parker / Spidey again?
Raimi: He’ll make Dunst look like a good actress, and he’s got the right kind of build for Spidey.
Sargent: Any chance of changing the secondary characters?
Raimi: No need. We’re trying to make money here, not lose it. They may not be good, but they’re used to the roles. We’re not going to try and train any more people than we have to. Hey!, now there’s an idea – let’s bring back Norman Osborn. Willem Dafoe was brilliant last time, we can do a flashback scene.
Sargent: So that’s Rosemary Harris back as Aunt May, James Franco as Harry Osborn and J.K Simmons as Jameson. What about Octavius?
RaimiAlfred Molina. He can act, and he’s the right type of build for the arms. We’ll have to make sure he doesn’t put on a good performance though, otherwise everyone else will look really bad. We need to use a lot of character development because we were criticized for it last time, so we’ll go completely over the top. Spidey will become depressed, Osborn will become angry, and Watson will get a little mad with Parker.
As for the special effects, we should have plenty of opportunity but we’ll barely make use of them – that would be the smart thing to do. I’m picturing a glowing yellow ball as part of the science story.
Sargent: Sam, you’ve got the sun in your eyes again.
Raimi: The sun – it’s perfect! We’ll make it look like a miniature sun, and tell the audience that’s exactly what it is, then have beams coming from it.
Sargent: Are you going to use any different camera angles for when Spidey’s flying through the city, or just steal them from the last movie.
Raimi: Steal them of course. Although it’s not really stealing because it’s my movie – it’s just laziness and cost cutting. Does that cover everything? Yes? Start production.
Scene Two – At world premiere
Outraged fan: Hey Raimi! That was the worst movie I’ve ever seen. If you dare make a third one I’ll kill you!
Raimi: Now there’s an idea. Return of…
Raimi is suddenly trampled by fans of Spiderman and movies, before he can finish the sentence.
Sargent: I had a feeling it wouldn’t be any good, but hopefully it’ll still bring in the $$$$$ - that’s the only reason it was made after all.
Sam Raimi s follow-up to Spider-Man finds Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) struggling to balance his everyday life with his alter ego as the web-slinging ...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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