London: the schtuff the books don't tell you!
Written: Nov 20 '03
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Product Rating:
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Pros: London is a fantastic city!
Cons: The usual ills of a big city
The Bottom Line: As a former American tourist now living in London, there are some things that tourists should know (but aren't told) for an enjoyable stay!
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| clle46's Full Review: London |
So, you’ve decided to vacation in London. What now?
You buy a stack of books up to your neck, telling you where to go and what to visit. You pour through them, marking out the must-sees, the might-sees and the routes to-and-from. There are so many tourists spots in London, you’ll hardly have time to visit them all! But this review ain’t about what to visit, I’m exploring the stuff the books don’t tell you - the things you learn only after being an American in London for two years.
“Hi, my name is Cheryl and I was once a London tourist.”
Homelessness
Yes, London has a tremendous 'problem' with homeless people. It is a VERY expensive city (a loaf of bread costs me about $20. OK, I exaggerate.) Combine this with the usual ills of very large cities such as drug-addiction, alcoholism, mental illness or simply a need to run away, and there are a load of homeless people. They hang around the tourists areas, as this is where they are most apt to get a lot of money. Many of tourists are shocked by this.
Homeless people located around tube/train stations and cash points (ATMs) have had to FIGHT for those prime positions. They didn’t get the really ace begging spot due to a kind demeanour or a nice face. Somebody, somewhere has been bloodied. Additionally, gangs often control these spots, and do the fighting for said homeless person. Don't give money to these people - you will just encourage them to fight more. Unfortunately, these are also the people who tend to get quite aggressive with their begging, often following you down the street or yelling in your ear. Don’t give in, they’ll eventually give up.
Otherwise, I give a bit of money to those who look down-and-out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, some people will say that I am merely feeding their addiction and keeping them on the street to blight the area, but if I GIVE them money, then they won't turn to crime to feed their unfortunate addictions. And, of course, there as some people who seem to genuinely deserve a break, even if it is in the form of a 50p coin. These are generally the people who don’t ask for money, but bank on the kindness of strangers to give them enough change for a sandwich. Toss in a few coins, they’ll actually thank you for it.
If possible, buy a copy of the Big Issue from an authorised seller. The Big Issue is a ‘street newspaper published on behalf of and sold by homeless people.’ The sellers themselves can be entertaining and some of the nicest people you’ll meet in the city. I give my local Big Issue seller, James, £5 for each copy. He’s actually a fantastic human being.
Travel
I’ve said it before; London is an expensive city. A travelcard, which is a ‘pass’ which will get you anywhere you like in London via tube, train, bus or Docklands Light Railway, will set you back a bit. London is separated into ‘zones’ - ‘Zone 1’ is Central London, ‘Zone 6’ has cows. Before you leave, plan out where you are going to go, check out the tube map which will be, no doubt, included in your London books, and purchase a travelcard accordingly. For example, if you reckon the farthest you’ll go in London is Hampstead (Zone 2) and you are staying in King’s Cross (Zone 1), you’ll only need to buy a travelcard for Zones 1 & 2, which is £4.10. If you are staying a week, buy a weekly travelcard (which can be purchased within any tube station) for £19.60. Don’t be stupid like me and buy a weekly travelcard for all zones (£37.20). You just don’t need it, and you could spend that extra money on something important like beer.
If you find that you are going to travel outside the zones on your travelcard, you can buy an extension ticket. They’re cheap.
The tubes, unfortunately, stop running around 1am. Don’t think you’re stuck! You can get a licensed black cab, which is the most expensive option. If one drives by with its lights on, flag it down. You could also get a licensed mini-cab - the offices are found all throughout London and can be recognised by the flashing light and the sign which says (duh) mini-cab. It may take a while for them to get an available car, so be patient! For the least expensive option, you can get a night bus. Night bus maps are available throughout London, and you can get pretty much anywhere. The good point is that your fare is covered by your travelcard. The bad? They’re full of drunk people and somebody might yak all over you.
DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT get a ‘cab’ from some random guy who claims to be a cab driver. They’re just random guys with cars. I trust them about as much as I’d trust a bridge made out of feathers and tape.
If you decide not to get a travelcard and thus will purchase your ticket onsite, there is one VERY important thing which you must be aware of which will not be updated in the books. Buses in Central London operate by pre-purchased tickets. The ticket machines are located next to the bus stops, but the coin slots are usually jammed with gum. So your bus is coming, you’re trying to get a ticket...and your money won’t go in! Panic! Out of about 12 attempts to purchase a bus ticket, I have successfully managed to do so just once.
Enough about the ins and outs of HOW to travel, and more about travelling Londoners
Ya see, we Londoners are at the whim of public transportation. Even if we allow 3 hours to travel 4 miles, the tubes/buses/trains will fail and we'll be late. So we walk, and unfortunately, we don't want to be at the whim of tourists standing in our way, so we hurry past, and if you step in our way, hey, you might get bumped. It isn't anything against you, we'd do it to light poles if they didn't hurt so much upon impact.
In general, if you are in a busy place, move quickly and go with the flow. If you can't do that, stand to the side. I know this all sound very negative, but it is the truth! One person who decides to stop in the middle of Oxford Street can hold up thousands. Londoners don’t get road rage, they get sidewalk rage. Of course, they’ll be too polite to tell you to move out of the way, but inside they’ll seethe with anger. I often make rude faces at those who hold me up.
On escalators, always stand to the right to allow for the really quite busy people to walk up the left. This is a great point of annoyance amongst Londoners, so please, don’t be the guy who stands on the left and holds everybody up!
Food
London, apparently, has the best food in the world, so why do so many tourists claim to hate the food? Because they haven’t eaten off the tourist trail! Tourist food is vile and expensive. Please, I beg of you, never eat at Garfunkels or Aberdeen Steak House. These restaurants were created solely to dupe tourists into paying entrance fees (!!) for a restaurant which serves TERRIBLE food (I once got a cold steak covered in hair.) If you wander off the tourist trail, you will be spoiled for excellent food choices. I recommend picking up a copy of the TimeOut London Food & Drink guide (found at most newsagents)- a few flips through the pages and you can eat like a king/queen. It is separated by cuisine type and by area, so you’ll realise that you are never far away from amazing food.
Also, pubs are for drinking, not for eating, so don't expect the food to be any cop. Pub food is there to soak up the booze when you are too drunk to notice that the meal tastes of dog vomit. TOO MANY tourists spend all of their time eating in pubs, and come away with the impression that food in London is only fit for animals. Don’t fall into this trap!
A lot of tourists say that London has the worst food in the world, which is hardly the case. They probably ate at pubs, Aberdeen Steak Houses and dodgy 'American' chicken places.
As for booze...gettin’ pishled is expensive (ahhhh...how many times can I remind you of this!) in London. There is one chain which, although they sometimes don’t provide amazing pub atmosphere, is so cheap you’ll think you’re in an American college town. Information can be found at the following site (which also allows you to search by area.)
http://www.jdwetherspoon.co.uk/
Beer in London is served a bit, well, warmer than elsewhere. You get used to it. After a few, you don’t even notice anymore.
Feel free to experiment with beer. You’ll find many beers you’ve never seen before, many of which are excellent. Your average pub will have many ‘unknown’ European beers on tap. Give ‘em a go. Of course, there are pubs which offer even more exciting beer fare. A list can be found here:
http://www.belgianbeerguide.co.uk/pubguide.html
Travel your way through the world via beer! Try out the best beers in the world - Trappist ales - or give a banana beer a try! Perhaps a smoked German beer suits your fancy, or maybe an herb beer from Scotland. You can find it all!
How not to look like a tourist...
I would recommend not looking like a tourist, just because it’ll make your stay a bit more fun. There are a few simple ways to 'melt in' with the local population:
1) NEVER wear white socks! White socks are only worn by Americans and athletes. If you don't look like an athlete, well, you must be an American. I’ve been here for two years now, and all of my white socks are now being used as dusting rags.
2) FANNY PACKS SCREAM 'TOURIST'! As do backpacks. The word, fanny, is also slang for naughty lady bits, so merely typing the word makes me giggle. Purchase a large over-the-shoulder bag and keep it in front of you at all times (so you always see what is going on.) Make sure there isn't a large opening at the top for evil hands to get in. A zippable bag is best - and don't forget to remove the dangly zipper piece so as to make it more difficult for thieves to get in. Not that they will - I haven’t had anything happen to me.
3) Shorts. I dunno why, but Londoners do not wear shorts. So thus to avoid looking like a tourist, you shouldn't either.
4) Canadian patches sewn on clothing can mean only one thing - you are a tourist and an American one at that. Londoners (as well as residents of cities world-wide) are WELL wise to this trick. They'll quiz you on Canada just to make you squirm. I rather enjoy asking Canadian patch wearers who the Prime Minister is just to watch them go, “Derrrrr duh der...I dunno.” Just go patchless. You’ll be happier for it.
5) Large tourist maps are awkward as well as make you a target for ne'er-do-wells. Pick up an A-Z (zed) and you'll never get lost again! This will keep you safe (London is a very safe place, but tourists are an easy target anywhere in the world.)
AND FINALLY
With the recent arrival of Bush in London, the American media has taken the protests and anti-Bush statements as being anti-American. This is so far from the truth. I have never had anybody say anything anti-American to me, nor have I ever heard anything against Americans. If you wander around London screaming about how great Bush is, yes, you’ll have somebody yell at you. But just be yourself and keep your political affiliations hush. Even the French aren’t anti-American, no matter how the American media has painted it (the French, despite the stereotype, were tremendously kind to me.) You’ll find MANY MANY MANY people who are anti-Bush, and although I’m not going to spout off about any of my opinions on the matter, there are a lot of people in Europe who don’t like him and his foreign policy. Please don’t take this as anti-American. Visit cities like London, Paris and Rome. They are beautiful.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
clle46
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Location: Islington, London, UK
Reviews written: 4
Trusted by: 16 members
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